


Don't judge a book by its cover

by Mendelynn



Series: KakaIru a/b/o [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alpha Umino Iruka, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Attraction, Drama, Hatake Kakashi Has Issues, Iruka and Kakashi are good for each other, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mating Cycles/In Rut, Mpreg, Nesting, Omega Hatake Kakashi, Refusal, Scents & Smells, There are things in Kakashi's past, Umino Iruka struggles with his dynamic, contains smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:28:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28476921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mendelynn/pseuds/Mendelynn
Summary: Kakashi is okay with his life except he's not because he technically doesn't have a life. Then, there is this misunderstanding between him and Iruka because they judged the other wrong. And apparently they are very compatible. But Kakashi has issues. One of them is his father.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Maito Gai | Might Guy/Mitarashi Anko
Series: KakaIru a/b/o [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098695
Comments: 178
Kudos: 232





	1. Don't judge a person before you smelled them

**Author's Note:**

> Happy new year!  
> It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's new year for all of us...  
> And I hope we're are all feeling good. ^^
> 
> 2020 is over and done and it was a rather good year for me, actually, despite C.  
> I've been inspired and writing a lot and I hope I can take that with me into 2021.  
> This is my first attempt. :)  
> It's not exactly a very original fic but it fits in well with "Don't let me go" and the idea is fresh (hasn't been on the shelf long, so it's not ripe yet).  
> Credit goes to decaf_kitty and their lovely a/b/o series "An Unexpected Reversal".  
> It inspired me a lot (if you don't know: read it, it's the good stuff.)  
> The characters, of course, do not belong to me but to Kishimoto Masashi. Except OCs but there won't be many...
> 
> I wish you all a good 2021. Stay strong, smile when you feel like it and find lots of things to be happy about! <3  
> Have fun!

Hatake omegas were a thing of their own. They most certainly did not fit the stereotype. Most people probably still believed that Hatake Sakumo had been an alpha. They never asked themselves where Kakashi had come from. How a bachelor had managed to have child to raise with no strings attached. Kakashi had accepted that he was a mission complication or a heat decision long ago. He’d never asked his dad. He didn’t need to. It didn’t matter. His dad… his mother… his parent had loved him until his death and that was everything that counted. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he might not be a child of love and consent.

What did it matter anyway? He didn’t care too much about it. Maybe it was better like this. People who loved Kakashi… whom Kakashi loved… tended to die very quickly around him. First his dad, then his friends, his sensei… ANBU had not been good for him, he knew that now, but it had felt good at the time. Maybe it was a bad thing that he had enjoyed killing people? It had given him a feeling of power… and for a small moment he had been in control. He had been the god deciding about life and death. It had been pathetic. But he’d been young… not stupid but naïve. And broken.

If he could turn back time, there were many things he would change. Like his need to command his team. Yes, he’d been a jonin and a newly presented omega… maybe that’s what it was. The frustration to present omega just like his father whom he’d viewed as weak back then. He’d hated that he’d presented omega and that Obito was about to present alpha… so he’d used his rank to keep Obito down. And he’d been so full of himself and rules and anger that he’d not listened to a single word Minato-sensei said. He’d learned the lessons the hard way and he couldn’t blame anyone but himself.

By now, he’d come to accept his situation. Hatake omegas were special, he knew that by now. Lean and slim and tall, without out the soft, curved features that usually came with this dynamic, they were often mistaken as beta or even alpha. They didn’t possess the bigger chakra resolves omegas usually had either. Or at least Kakashi didn’t… he didn’t know about his dad. But they were quick in thought and reflexes, strong in their movement, powerful in their jutsus. They were perfect fighters to an extent that Kakashi could even use his scent as a weapon.

Because even if they did not look like the typical omega, their smell was the more alluring for it. Kakashi noticed very quickly that alphas and even betas hesitated when they caught a whiff of his scent. This moment of hesitation was their downfall in most cases. Kakashi’s heats were quick and powerful, he didn’t take leave for them, and nearly every alpha became pliant, as soon as Kakashi’s scent got into their nose. Hatake omegas were a force of nature.

Maybe it was because he could’ve had anyone that he wasn’t mated. Maybe it was because he was too broken. Maybe it was because he didn’t think himself worthy a mate. So he took his birth control and spent his heats with teammates, enemy nin or whoever he came across. And every time, he felt a bit emptier, a bit more hollow afterwards. His students had never noticed. Naruto might have gotten a whiff of Kakashi here and there but he didn’t care. Sasuke was too focussed on himself. Sakura… well, Kakashi still didn’t understand how Sakura worked and he wasn’t bothered to try. Now, that Tsunade trained her… Sasuke had left the village… and Naruto was off and gone with Jiraiya-sama… everything was back to how it had been before. Except that these kids had grown on him. And, even though he knew he hadn’t been a good sensei to them, he missed them. Sasuke could’ve been his pup, like Naruto belonged to Iruka-sensei. But he had not dared to bond with the boy. Too focussed on his position as a sensei. A teacher had to keep professional distance. Or at least he’d thought. Then, he had learned of Naruto’s bond with Iruka-sensei. Then, Sasuke had left. And Kakashi had yet another thing to regret.

Kakashi didn’t usually go around with his scent out in the open like most other ninjas when they were in Konoha. Part of it was that he hated the leering eyes of the alphas he came across. They might have had too much respect to call him out but he saw the desire in their eyes. He could nearly see the images they spun in their minds of him underneath them… impaled on their cock, whining and begging for more. It wasn’t that he didn’t like sex. He enjoyed it. He touched himself often enough and dreamed of being taken exactly like that… but sex in his heat was always quick, instinctual, anonymous. He trusted no one enough to let himself go like this. Except Guy, maybe, but his best friend was happily mated. So Kakashi only dreamed of a time when he would have someone to let himself go while knowing at the same time that he would never allow himself to trust someone. Except if they forced it upon him, like Guy had done. But there was only one Guy and Tenzou… his other friend… Tenzou was too broken, too dutiful, too omega to even consider. They were both on the same page concerning mates. At least, they had someone to cuddle when they were feeling very lonely.

So Kakashi lived most of his life on autopilot. And he liked it. Missions were great. They gave him a direction, a purpose. He did not have to think, just do as he was told. It was the life between missions he couldn’t deal with.

If Guy didn’t ask him to do one of his weird challenges, Kakashi spent his time training. When he was too exhausted or injured to train, he shuffled through the streets or sat in his flat and read. Icha Icha was probably the most alpha reading material one could find. Maybe that was why he liked it. Why he carried it around as a trademark. It gave him a sense of what was out there. What was possible. How alphas thought and worked. That there were alphas out there just as sexually frustrated and lonely as he was. And he loved identifying with the whining begging omegas in these stories. The ones who gave themselves in the hands of a kind and gentle lover and trusted them enough to let go of themselves and everything that was important to them. It was a fantasy alphas liked. It was fascinating to Kakashi.

It was one of these lonely days when Kakashi was on standby, Guy in rut and Tenzou on mission that he decided to visit Iruka-sensei. He’d been stalking the teacher from time to time when he felt very bored and he indulged in watching someone who had a purpose in life. Iruka-sensei was a good omega. Although rather tall and broad-shouldered, he represented everything society appreciated in omegas. He was dutiful, soft, kind, lovely. He looked after his students like a good mother-hen, he kept his flowers tidy… he could not cook though, and his flat was rather chaotic. But not every omega had to be good at household chores. And everyone had their little secrets. There was only one thing that puzzled Kakashi… Iruka didn’t have a mate. A good omega like him should have a mate; he deserved it. And his house was very heavily warded whenever he went into heat. The protection was so intricate that it would have taken Kakashi quite some effort to get in. And he didn’t want to get in anyway. One did not disrupt another’s heat.

Kakashi didn’t know what drove him towards the Academy where Iruka was goodbyeing his students for the day. Maybe it was the boredom, maybe the tiring loneliness. Maybe it was the upcoming heat. But suddenly he felt the need to ask the man for advice.

If Iruka was surprised to notice him climb in through the window, he didn’t show it. “Good afternoon, Kakashi-san,” he greeted politely. Kakashi liked his voice. It was soft and warm and sometimes, he wished he had a voice like that reading him to sleep. Preferably with Icha Icha. “How can I help you?”

“Mah… you think I came for help?” Kakashi scratched his head and eye-smiled. “I just came across your window and thought by myself: ‘Look at good Iruka-sensei. He’s had a long day. He might want some Ramen.’”

Iruka smiled. These kind smiles of his… Kakashi hadn’t had one directed at him yet and he felt something inside him warm up with it. And it might have melted something else on the way. Talking about warmth… he could feel the beginnings of his heat by now. It wouldn’t be long until he had to go looking for someone. How he hated looking for alphas in Konoha. It was so much easier to overwhelm an enemy ninja on mission than to actually look for a comrade who promised to not bite him. His enemies he could kill if they got too close. He couldn’t do that with fellow Leaf ninja. “Actually, I would really like that. And I hope I can help you.”

Ah, he couldn’t hide his real motive from Iruka-sensei. The man was an omega and a teacher and a ninja. He didn’t stand a chance. “Just some advice.” Kakashi shrugged when fell into step next to the teacher. “How you manage it… as a fellow omega who is still unmated.” Iruka’s step faltered and they came to a halt. Then he changed direction. Kakashi didn’t know what to do, so he just followed. “I didn’t know you were an omega. You don’t look or act like one. I thought you were an alpha.”

Kakashi shrugged. “Hatake omegas are a special breed. Not everyone can be a picture-postcard omega like you.”

Iruka gave a cold laugh and stopped in his tracks. “That’s what you think of me?”

“Well, you don’t have the curves and all that either but… everything else is just… you act like omegas are supposed to.”

“Except I’m not.” Kakashi didn’t know what to make of these words. “Would you like to come upstairs?”

Ah, yes. They had stopped outside the apartment complex where Iruka lived.

Iruka’s flat was homey. Kakashi instantly felt comfortable. It was the first time he was in here. Well, it was the first time he had been invited and been here with Iruka’s knowing consent. Kakashi sometimes entered other people’s flat without them knowing when he was bored. First, to prove to himself that he could do it. Second, because he liked to see how other people lived. Third, he liked breaking taboos and social conventions. And Iruka’s flat was a nice place. He did not want to go into heat in here but it was definitely a place where he could comfortably spend a heat.

Iruka was a miserable cook but he was very good at making tea. He did it too unwind after a long day, he did it when he was stressed. He did it because he was a good host. The flat had a combined kitchen and living room space, so Kakashi was able to watch the other while lounging on his sofa. A very comfortable sofa. One of the kind which one didn’t and couldn’t get out of. Was this where Iruka had his alphas during heat? Kakashi would… if this was his sofa. “What are we, Kakashi-san?” The fellow omega suddenly asked.

Kakashi had to think about the question for a moment. Was the heat already meddling with his brain? There was certainly a warm tingle in his stomach. But that might also be because of the alpha scent residue of Iruka’s lover that still lingered in the air. “Uhm… colleagues?”

“Huh” The teacher huffed, nodded and carried the tablet with tea and cups with him to the sofa. “I guess, we are.”

“In duty and raising Naruto,” Kakashi added. “Though I think I haven’t done much good concerning the latter.”

Iruka chuckled. “You have left a lasting impression on the boy. He always talks about you and your aloof mannerisms. But you taught him about teamwork.”

“Hm…” Kakashi felt the need to put his head on Iruka’s shoulder. He was beginning his heat; he wanted the comfort of physical contact. And Iruka was such a lovely fellow omega… he wouldn’t mind a little bit of cuddling, would he? The other froze for a moment but relaxed right after.

“Kakashi-san…” The man softly said. “I don’t want you to get into an uncomfortable situation because of it, so I should tell you about. We don’t know each other well but I respect and appreciate you… as colleague… and, as you know, I was wrong about you. I would’ve never thought you were an omega. You are wrong about me too. I am not an omega.”

Kakashi lifted his head from the broad, warm shoulder he had found to be very comfortable. He was honestly surprised. “You’re a beta?”

“I’m an alpha,” Iruka corrected with a sigh. “And I can smell that you’re about to go into heat. I appreciate that you supress so much of your scent but I would advise you to leave my flat before it’s too late.”

“Hm…” Kakashi didn’t move and leaned back into the couch instead. “So the alpha scent residue I sensed in here is yours?” He had to admit, he liked it. And it made him curious about the real thing. “Why do you keep it hidden?”

“Like you, most people assume I’m an omega.” Iruka leaned back as well and turned his head towards Kakashi. “I don’t want to prove them wrong. Omegas give their pups into my care because they trust me. They might not trust me as much if they knew. And it would also attract omegas. There is a reason I’m still unmated. I’m not a particularly nice alpha.”

“Hm…” Kakashi wasn’t sure if he was purring or not but… he weirdly enjoyed their situation. Maybe it was the beginning heat messing with his brain, maybe he just liked the fact that Iruka-sensei was an alpha. He was about to go into heat. He hated going out and looking for an alpha he could trust. He hated spending his heat alone even more. He somehow trusted Iruka-sensei. It wasn’t music theory to figure out what his inner omega wanted. “I like challenges.”

Iruka huffed amused. Did he want Kakashi to leave? He hadn’t moved at all. They stared at each other and it annoyed Kakashi’s instinctual side to no ends that he couldn’t smell the other.

“I’m not like one of Guy’s challenges. I would hurt you.”

“Yes but would you want to?”

“What? Hurt you?”

“No. Fuck me.” Iruka’s eyes said it all. They were so expressive. Warm and kind but also longing and greedy. Kakashi was sure that, if he could’ve smelled Iruka’s scent, the alpha would’ve exuded possessive pheromones and he liked the idea. “I know you wouldn’t want to hurt me and that you probably beat yourself up about every omega you hurt but… I really don’t care. I just know that I’m going into heat and I trust you. If I had known you were an alpha, I might’ve asked you ages ago.” That, in fact, was a lie. Even if he had known, he would’ve never dared to defile the lovely Iruka with such an offer. But… here they were and right now, Kakashi didn’t care. He could beat himself up after this was over. “But, of course, I will leave if I don’t suit your taste. I will find someone else.”

The growl from Iruka’s throat sent a pleasant shiver down Kakashi’s spine and he felt his prick perk up in interest. It wasn’t much but he liked where this was going. “Do you really think I would let an omega with such a divine scent go if he offered himself so shamelessly?” This deeper register suited Iruka-sensei, even though it didn’t match with the impression Kakashi had of the man at all. This was not a sweet textbook omega; this was a deliciously dangerous alpha who appreciated his scent even though Kakashi still kept it contained. What would happen if he let it flow freely? Iruka wouldn’t have a chance. But Kakashi wanted to know if he found the scent as appealing as the man himself.

“I can’t tell. I don’t smell you. Why don’t you let me?” The teasing wink didn’t do any good, Iruka pulled back.

“You wouldn’t be able to leave,” he said quietly. “You wouldn’t want to.”

“Oh really?” Iruka should not have said that. Now, Kakashi was properly interested and determined to coax the other’s scent from its hiding place. One way or the other. “That good?”

“I’ve had alphas submit to me during rut.” Oh, he really shouldn’t have said that. Kakashi had heard about the phenomenon, it was extremely rare. This promised to be a phenomenal heat.

“Stop flirting with me, Iruka-sensei,” he grinned. “Show me the real thing.”

The scent which flooded the air made him choke and cough. His eyes rolled back. The next thing he knew, his head had sunk onto Iruka’s shoulder and he was nuzzling the other man’s scent glands. Iruka, in turn, was nuzzling his own neck. Apparently Kakashi had lost the chakra control on his scent and it was flowing freely as well. Battle. Iruka’s scent smelled like blood and metal, it was suffocating. His own scent, it had been likened to that of a lotus flower, mixed with it and produced a heavy mixture which pressed against his chest like Shiba when he came to demand belly rubs. He could feel his thoughts about to cloud over with the strength of those pheromones. Now, he was properly hard and beginning to slick. If this hadn’t started his heat, he didn’t know what would.

Iruka turned them and pushed Kakashi into the sofa so that he came to lie on top of him. His eyes had changed. They were dilated and the brown colour had darkened to a point where they appeared nearly black. The lust was quite obvious in his scent, and so was the possessiveness. Kakashi moaned breathlessly, his body melted into the cushions and he exposed the nape of his neck to Iruka. All he wanted was to submit to this wonderful, lovely, strong, attractive, powerful, hot, incredible alpha. Be taken and marked by him. “You foolish omega.” His voice dripped with alpha power, Kakashi shivered. “You should’ve left when you had the chance. I’m not letting you go now.” And then, he bent down to kiss Kakashi’s neck. Kakashi couldn’t stop the needy whine, he bucked up against the other man. This wasn’t enough. “Please…”

“Aren’t you lovely. The great Hatake Kakashi is such a sweet, needy omega. Who would’ve thought...” Yes, yes, whatever he said. “You will regret ever coming here when I’m done with you. I will…” He stopped and shook his head. Then he lifted himself off the couch and left Kakashi sweating and shivering in the cool air.

It took him a moment to collect his thoughts and to blink himself back to reality. Iruka had left the room and rummaged in the wardrobe on what appeared to be his bedroom. His erection tented his blue shinobi pants and oh boy… the size of it… Kakashi started to salivate just by looking. Oh, he had hit the jackpot this heat… Iruka turned to him. “Still determined to do this?” Kakashi nodded eagerly and earned himself a scoff from the teacher.

“Don’t blame me afterwards. This is on you.” He waved for Kakashi to come to him. “Come on. I’m not going to do you on the sofa. Yet.” Oh, Kakashi liked the sound of that. So he got up, like the good, obedient omega he was and trotted over to his alpha who patted his head. A collar snapped shut around his neck before he knew what was happening. “Just to make sure I don’t bite you in the process. You can thank me later.” Kakashi knew it was his heat that made him feel disappointed.


	2. Dogs are man's best friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka helps Kakashi with his heat. But there is nothing between them. Well, maybe something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> It's only been two days since the first chapter but... I got so many lovely comments already.  
> I didn't expect that at all! Thank you Uintuva, lpetit, Vegeta_vs_Emotions, stupidbadgers, Mo2019 and wenavg7!  
> You motivated me a great deal to continue writing (even though I should actually write that paper for uni...) and I couldn't stop myself from sharing this second chapter with you already! <3
> 
> Enjoy! :D

Kakashi couldn’t get as much air into his lungs as he needed. Every powerful thrust left him breathless and light-headed. He’d never felt an alpha who fit him so perfectly… filled him so good, so deep… he’d never been with an alpha whose scent was as intoxicating as Iruka’s. He constantly bared his throat and begged the alpha. To bite him, mark him, fill him, breed him. The words didn’t sound as filthy as they should have. Kakashi was drowning in desire and his pleas weren’t met. He was filled, he was ‘bred’… they had given up on condoms very quickly as they were both checked regularly by the village’s medic team. But he knew it wouldn’t take. Usually, he was quite relieved but right now, it brought tears of frustration to his eyes. He'd never felt like this. Iruka bit him. He bit him everywhere. Thighs, hips, collarbones, arms, shoulders… his skin was littered with red, blue and black spots depending on the day they’d been made. But his scent glands, the spot here he really wished Iruka to bite, were hidden underneath this stupid, thick leather collar. No matter how hard Iruka bit it, it wouldn’t give. So Kakashi had to be satisfied with the marks the alpha left anywhere else on his body. Only, he wasn’t.

Iruka had been right. He was rough with Kakashi. The bites were strong, some of them bled. His hands had left marks just as dark on his hips. It hurt every time Iruka grabbed him again and Kakashi whined and arched into his touch. His back burned when the sweat got into the scratches the alpha had left. But he was just as rough. Biting, clawing scratching. Kakashi had never felt better in his life and when they finally reached the climax and Iruka’s knot inflated inside of him… all the pain dissolved into sweet pleasure and was forgotten for the time being until they came back with force. Kakashi had lost his sense of time after their first coupling but it must’ve been days. Iruka took good care of them, looked after their hydration and always offered him snacks which he refused. He’d never felt more alive, food was the last thing he cared about.

But with time, he felt the need weaken, his strength diminish. His movements became sluggish, his kisses sloppy. He slept more… his last heat wave wasn’t even strong enough to coax a knot out of Iruka. He fell asleep on the broad muscular chest of his alpha and felt at peace for the first time in forever.

When he woke up clear-headed, it was midday. The windows were wide open and the sun beamed into Kakashi’s face which he didn’t appreciate at all. With a groan he sat up. The last time, he had felt this sore had been after that mission where he had nearly lost his arm and died of chakra exhaustion. “You probably shouldn’t move,” Iruka came in with a bowl of chicken broth in his hand. Kakashi’s stomach growled. The alpha sat the bowl down on the bedside table and helped to prop Kakashi up. It made him hiss. Every touch and movement hurt. “I warned you.” Iruka’s voice indicated that the man was already feeling guilty about it.

“Are you kidding me?” Ah… Kakashi’s voice was just as bruised as his body. “I loved it.” And it wasn’t a lie. This was the best heat he’d had so far. “You can take that off now.” He pointed at the collar around his neck. The alpha nodded and with a little click, the thick leather fell away and his skin was able to breathe again. Kakashi did not miss the look Iruka gave his unscarred neck. And weirdly, he felt the same. Of course, he was grateful for it… but if was really honest… if Iruka had bitten his scent glands in the heat of the moments, he wouldn’t have minded. He would never say this out loud though. This was Iruka-sensei, the most important father figure in Naruto’s life. Kakashi might end up on his doorstep again when he felt his next heat coming but he would never entangle the teacher’s life with his any further. He would not let him become important to Kakashi. He did not want Iruka-sensei to die. “I need a shower.”

Iruka shook his head. “Not a good idea. You’re sore. But you can wash yourself.” He offered Kakashi a bowl of warm water and a cloth. If he was honest, Kakashi was glad he didn’t have to leave the bed. He couldn’t know for sure if his legs would carry him. And, as the genius, adaptive shinobi he was, he knew how to use this situation to his advantage. “In this case, I would ask for assistance,” he grinned and shot the alpha a dirty look.

“You were so sweet and pliant during your heat… who would’ve thought that you’d turn in such a spoiled, lazy brat afterwards.” He supressed a happy purr when the soft cloth washed his face and neck. As long as Iruka was in aftercare duty, Kakashi would get as much of the attention and affection he could get.

“I’m back to normal then.” Iruka had such a sweet laugh. It was hard to believe that this was the same person who had pounded into him relentlessly and pushed his head against the wall until he started to bleed. The bloody mark was gone already, Kakashi noticed. When Iruka roughly cleaned his private parts, he was a bit disappointed that he was too worn out to get hard.

“You can shower later, of course, but for now, I’d like to tend your injuries first.”

“Don’t you like the marks on my body?” Kakashi couldn’t help but joke. The dark eyes said everything. There were few people who had such expressive eyes, even fewer of them were shinobi. Iruka produced a bottle of balm which he carefully applied to the bruises. It was chakra induced – the good stuff. Kakashi felt his skin warm and heal. The smaller wounds were cleaned and patched, they wouldn’t scar. For the scratches on his back, the alpha even used a healing jutsu. “I didn’t know you had medical training.”

“I’m a teacher. You don’t know how often students injure themselves.” There was a pause in which Iruka healed another scratch line. “Also… I don’t like that I hurt the omegas afterwards. Being able to heal it helps.”

Kakashi nodded. “You know, I really don’t mind. You were really… really good. I might come back in three months. If I’m the village.” All he heard was the buzzing of Iruka’s chakra. It was arm and comforting against his back. Just as the warm breath. “Only if you want to, of course,” he added. Another long silence. Another scratch mark healed.

“I wouldn’t refuse you,” Iruka eventually said. “You are different from any omega I met so far.”

“Well, Hatake omegas are a special breed.” And with that, their conversation ended. Iruka finished his healing. When he stood up to leave the room, Kakashi wanted to pull him back for a kiss. He didn’t. So Iruka left to give him some privacy. As if he needed privacy. Kakashi lay back down to watch the ceiling. But he couldn’t stop a small sigh escape him.

Iruka took his aftercare duties very seriously. Kakashi loved and hated it. He hated how comfortable he felt in Iruka’s company. He hated how much he liked the flat. He hated how fast his body recovered and he hated himself for wanting to stay longer. Iruka was too good, too precious to be pushed into harm’s way just because Kakashi liked him. And liking him would make Kakashi vulnerable. He’d never forgotten how Sasuke had threatened to kill everyone he loved. Of course, back then he confidently told the boy that everyone he loved was dead. Excluding Naruto, Sakura, Guy, Tenzou and Sasuke himself. But he didn’t love them with all his heart. He cared about them but he would’ve survived their loss. If he opened his heart to Iruka he would not survive the loss. And then enemies could make him do anything by threatening to hurt his mate. It was easy to see but difficult to convince his heart of it which swelled every time Iruka looked at him with these kind, brown eyes.

He wasn’t sure how much Iruka understood of their situation but the alpha made no move to come closer than he needed to be. He put an arm over his shoulder when they sat on the sofa and watched a film. Like a good friend. He warmed Kakashi’s body when he was staring to get goose bumps. Like a good alpha. He did not kiss, cuddle or caress like a lover. This heat had been something special and they certainly had bonded in a way. But it wasn’t anything serious. And apparently Iruka wanted to keep this fragile nothing from becoming a something just as much as he did.

So when Kakashi had recovered well enough to step back into life again, he allowed the alpha to follow him to the door but not any further. “So we will see each other again?”

Kakashi nodded. “Naruto will come back at some point and probably demand a Ramen invite.”

“But before that?”

“A man has his needs.” Kakashi shrugged and eye-smiled as if he couldn’t care less. The slouch felt wrong but it was the only thing right. “And we seem to be very compatible.”

“That’s a way to phrase it.” They looked at each other and the fragile nothing between them, then broke away. “Stay safe, Kakashi.”

“Can’t promise that but I’ll try. You take care, Iruka.”

“I will”

And then Kakashi left with a big lump of nothing in his throat that refused to be swallowed. They were on an honorific-free basis now and Kakashi was determined to let this be the only thing that had changed.

Iruka did not request Kakashi’s help during his rut. It wasn’t like Kakashi had been waiting for it to happen. But when his next heat came around, he still hadn’t seen much of the teacher. The loss of honorifics wasn’t the only thing that had changed. Kakashi had become more aware of the other and how much he was not acting like an omega around other people like Kakashi had first thought. He wasn’t an alpha trying to pass as an omega. He was an unusual alpha who liked things people usually associated with omegas. And Kakashi found that very admirable. But they didn’t talk to each other. They might have exchanged a glance or two when they passed each other on the street but looked away as soon as the fragile nothing appeared. And every time, it shattered on the ground before it could become a something. Kakashi was relieved it did until he wasn’t.

When his next heat hit, he was on mission. The need sharpened his senses, quickened his reflexes. He smelled the alpha from miles away. His biology urged him to go looking but his gut recoiled at the idea. So Kakashi just killed the enemy he was supposed to catch alive in frustration and made his way back home even more frustrated, hurting and horny. When he reached the village, his heat was long gone but the frustration had stayed.

So he found himself standing outside Iruka’s apartment not long after and hated himself for it. The alpha smiled when he opened the door. “Kakashi”

“Yo” He lifted his hand in greeting and eye-smiled. “Long time no see.”

“Indeed. I’ve already forgotten what you look like without your mask.” Iruka winked. His scar distorted so nicely when he did that. Or smiled. Or preferably did both at the same time. “Is it your heat?” So he had been looking forward to it but didn’t want to show it as well. Unfortunately, Kakashi had to shake his head.

“Happened on mission. I didn’t have anyone to spend it with. It left me restless.” It was normal for an unmated omega of his age to feel empty after a heat spend alone. Alphas probably didn’t have it much better.

“And you wanted me to help ease that?”

It took Iruka saying out loud for Kakashi to realise how pathetic and wrong his request was. “I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry.” He turned around to leave but Iruka’s warm hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“I didn’t tell you to leave.” Iruka’s scent flooded Kakashi’s nostrils unprepared. He felt his knee go weak and give underneath him. Before he knew what was happening, he was kneeling in front of the alpha, a hot stream of arousal flowing through his body. “See. That’s how I like to see my omega.” Kakashi hated how much he loved to be dominated like this. But he did love it. Strong arms scooped him up from Iruka’s doorstep and carried him inside. As much as Kakashi wanted to pretend that this was nothing more than blowing off steam, the little nothing they’d been so careful to keep up had probably shattered weeks ago. Kakashi couldn’t stop it from growing into something any longer. Not when he bathed in Iruka’s warmth and proximity like in the blood of his enemies. Why did he trust Iruka like this? They hardly knew each other and Iruka was very certainly not the soft, gentle thing Kakashi had thought he was. But he trusted the goodness of Iruka’s heart like he trusted Naruto’s determination. Naturally and without questioning it. So he just cuddled up into Iruka’s neck and chest when the alpha sat down on the sofa with him in his lap.

“You know, you could’ve come anytime,” Iruka remarked quietly.

“So could you.” Kakashi inhaled Iruka’s scent, the iron, the salt, the burned wood. Like a village overrun by rogue ninjas. Danger and excitement. “I thought you’d come to see me for your rut.”

The alpha slowly shook his head and started to massage Kakashi’s scalp. “I would never ask that of you. Otherwise I would probably never see you again.” So Iruka wanted to see him again and was afraid of losing this… nothing?… between them. The nothing which was quite obviously a something they just didn’t talk about.

“That horrifying, huh?” Kakashi had been with ANBU alphas during their ruts and they had… issues. “You’re holding the top omega shinobi of Konoha. If anyone’s able to handle your rut it would be me.”

“I am…” Iruka replied slowly and thoughtfully. “But I can’t stand the thought of hurting you.” Soft, caring pheromones were something omegas exuded, not alphas. But still they mixed into Iruka’s scent like little flowers covering the site of the burned village. Rebirth and peace. Kakashi filled his lungs and still couldn’t get enough. But it soothed something inside him he didn’t know was injured.

“You know that physical pain can’t hurt me.” It was losing people Kakashi couldn’t cope with. Which was why he couldn’t commit to this something growing between them. If they didn’t nurture it… maybe it would die. But Kakashi also couldn’t leave the hug. The restless emptiness inside of him had disappeared, he realised. And they hadn’t even kissed. Carefully, he entangled himself from Iruka’s arms. “I should go.”

“Maybe you should.” Why did it hurt to hear Iruka agree? “But you don’t have to.”

Of course he didn’t but it was the sensible thing to do. “Send me a message when your rut hits. As long as I’m in the village, I will help you.”

Iruka nodded. “I’ll think about it.” Without further ado, Kakashi opened the window and jumped down from the second floor. Probably not the wisest decision but the pain in his feet grounded him. This something between him and Iruka was dangerous. Or at least in danger of growing into something more.

As soon as he left Iruka’s flat, he could feel the emptiness come back up. But it was too late to turn around now. So he made a detour to the butcher on his way home. His flat was small, so when he summoned his ninken it got crowded. “Yo boss,” Pakkun greeted him. His eyes, or probably his nose, instantly found the fine steak on his food plate. “That bad?” Dogs were able to sceptically raise one eyebrow, Kakashi had learned that very early on, but Pakkun and Bull could do it more impressively than any human Kakashi knew. And they both were doing it now. Kakashi sighed, said down on the floor and invited Bisuke into his lap. Of course, Shiba shoved his head under his other hand. Fortunately, Kakashi was very good at coordinating his hands.

“I told you about Iruka-sensei.”

“Yes, the omega that is actually an alpha.” Pakkun ripped a big junk from his steak. The other ninken happily started eating their share as well. Except Bisuke and Shiba who weren’t willing to give up the stroking spot. “You smell like him.” Of course, the dogs would pick up on it. That’s what Kakashi had them for.

“I need your advice.”

“What good is that going to do you?” Akino cocked his head. “Ask your human friends.”

“I know what they’re going to say.” Guy would enthusiastically congratulate Kakashi, sing paeans to Iruka-sensei for half an hour or so and then encourage him to mate the teacher. Tenzou would be more sceptical, ask him about his impression of Iruka and then advise him to mate the teacher. Asuma would probably be of the same opinion, Kurenai would just agree with him and Anko… well, she would tell Kakashi to fuck the teacher as much and often as possible. They all appreciated Iruka-sensei and would want the best for the teacher. “I’m asking you because… you’re more neutral.” The dogs knew him the longest. They had known his father. Suddenly, Kakashi realised that the dogs may know who his other parent was. He’d never asked them. He’d never been interested. Why now?

“All I can tell you is that you smell like him.” Pakkun shrugged.

“I know” Kakashi sighed. “I saw him this afternoon. His scent must be stuck in my clothes.”

“No. You smell _like_ him.”

Kakashi didn’t understand. “What do you mean?”

“We know your scent. It’s your scent. And then there’s the alpha’s scent. And you smell like him.” Kakashi’s lack of comprehension was probably showing on his face. The pug rolled his eyes and sighed. “See, that’s why you shouldn’t ask us. We’re dogs.”

Kakashi nodded. Pakkun was right. They perceived the world differently than humans. They had a different understanding of mating and partners and love, even though dogs had alphas and omegas in a similar way. The thought of his other parent didn’t leave Kakashi though. Maybe learning about them would help him move on. “Do you know anything about my other parent?”

“Your sire?” Pakkun’s big brown pug eyes looked at him for a long time. Bull had risen his eyebrow again. “You never asked about that before.”

“Well, maybe I wasn’t ready.” Kakashi shrugged. Guruko shoved Bisuke off his lap and took his spot. Urushi joined him. Uhei cuddled up to his side. His dogs always knew how to comfort him.

“I can only tell you about the scent. It was a male alpha from Konoha. Sakumo smelled like him, sometimes. You don’t smell like him at all, though.”

That wasn’t very helpful. “Do you think, he could still be alive?” If he was a ninja, which was probably the case, the chance that he was still alive was very small. Had he known about Kakashi? Why didn’t he show up to take him in after Sakumo’s death?

“I have no idea.” Pakkun sat down on his knee. “Have you ever looked at your birth certificate? If they knew, it will be written on there.”

Kakashi gave the alpha of his pack well deserved belly rubs. They called him a genius but really, he would be lost without his dogs. This night, he slept on the floor with his dogs around him. Pakkun took the spot on Kakashi’s chest. They both knew how he liked the little weight there, even though they never talked about it.


	3. A chip off the old block

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi investigates , learns new things and makes decisions. Not all of them consciously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> It's great to hear that you like the story so far.  
> Thank you for all the lovely comments.  
> Not much has happened yet... we will learn a lot more in this chapter and I am curious what you think of where this is going. ^^  
> Do you like it or do I have to look out for torches and pitchforks? :D
> 
> Enjoy!

It wasn’t difficult to get his birth certificate. He probably wouldn’t even have needed to break into the hospital… but asking for it would have resulted in questions and it wouldn’t have been fun. Breaking in somewhere was much more interesting. And good training, Kakashi told himself. It wasn’t exactly difficult to get into the archives of the hospital. Fortunately, everything was filed neatly. Sakumo’s hospital file stated his name, rank, sex, dynamic, marital status and family. Male omega, unmated, one son. So whoever Kakashi’s sire had been, they had not been mated. That wasn’t a surprise; Kakashi couldn’t remember a mating bite on his dad’s neck.

Of course, Kakashi had never looked at his medical file before. Too many gruesome injuries were stated in there and he didn’t necessarily want to be reminded how many times he had avoided death by mere inches. But it had his birth certificate in it.

_Hatake, Kakashi. Male. 17.8 in. 5.8 lb._

He had been quite a small baby, apparently.

_Was born on 15 th Sept. 1054 AH to_

_Hatake Sakumo (23)_

_And_

_Matsuda Kousuke (25)_

There it was. It had always been there, out in the open, for Kakashi to find. And he had never bothered to look. Matsuda Kousuke. Not a very impressive name, Kakashi had never heard it before. There was no Matsuda clan in Konoha, the last name of his father didn’t mean anything. If he wanted to know more, he had to look into the archives of the Academy.

Breaking in there was a bit trickier but only a little bit. Kakashi had done it for fun when he was younger. He’d even done it with Team 7 once, dressed as Sukea to find about the real face of Kakashi. That had been a blast. The frustrated expression on their faces when attempt after attempt failed. He couldn’t help but smile under his mask.

There were two files for the name Matsuda Kousuke. Kakashi took the newer one. If his father had been a shinobi, this would be his file. It was dusty and probably hadn’t been touched for a long time.

The picture showed a young boy with white blond hair and a big grin on his face. Kakashi recognised the shape of boy’s jaw as his own. The eyes were sparklingly blue but their shape and the long eyelashes were traits Kakashi knew from himself. It was too similar to be a coincidence. This was his father’s file. The sign in the top right corner of the first page confirmed Kakashi’s suspicion. Deceased.

_Matsuda Kousuke_

_Male alpha_

_Genin (8)_

_Chunin (13)_

_Tokubetsu jonin (22)_

_Ninja-ID: 011724_

_S-Rank: 0_

_A-Rank: 87_

_B-Rank: 534_

_C-Rank: 105_

_D-Rank: 89_

_Elements: Doton (aff.), Futon_

Nothing spectacular. An average Konoha tokujo with neither special weapons nor bloodlimits. Kakashi turned to the next page. A wedding certificate. The alpha had been mated to some civilian woman called Nakamura Yuuko. They probably had kids together. Kousuke had never been Kakashi’s father. He never would have been.

He quickly skimmed through the number of mission reports included. Many successful, some failed. He stopped when he came across a number he knew by heart. The mission which had led to Sakumo’s downfall. Kousuke had been in Sakumo’s team. Suddenly, things started to make sense. His father had tried to protect the man he loved. That was the reason he had turned back. Had Sakumo told Kousuke about their child? Kakashi swallowed a lump in his throat and turned to the last page. Kousuke’s last mission. A B-Rank which had turned into an S-Rank on the way. Kousuke had been heavily injured and died in hospital. Kakashi blinked when he looked at the date. The day Kousuke had died was the day before his father had killed himself. They had never been mates but Sakumo had loved him. It had never been the pressure of his comrades. That wouldn’t have been enough to kill the great White Fang of the Leaf. It was Kousuke’s loss. They’d had a child together. And Kakashi was the only thing left from their connection.

He blinked again and put the file back. Matsuda Yuuko was probably still alive but Kakashi wasn’t interested in her. She probably wasn’t aware that her mate had cheated on her with Sakumo. And he was not going to ruin her life.

But he didn’t know how this made him feel. Some things fell into place and suddenly, Kakashi felt like he understood his father much better. Hatake omegas were a special case. They didn’t just fall in love. They didn’t mate. They loved and died alone. Kakashi wasn’t going to make the same mistake his father made. Or maybe he was. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be.

This night, he couldn’t sleep. He stared at the dark ceiling and tried to make sense of his life. He failed. So he was relieved when he was summoned the next day and got a mission which took his mind off things.

Kakashi took up his father’s tanto again. His kenjutsu was rusty but it didn’t take him long to find his old rhythm. Ninjutsu and genjutsu were useful forces but it was the rhythm of taijutsu and kenjutsu that made Kakashi really feel at peace. To feel his body move like a well-oiled machine; go through the movements, react to every attack to quickly and naturally. He didn’t have to think, he could just focus on staying alive… being alive… maybe he was exuding happy pheromones. Maybe they confused and scared his enemies and comrades – he didn’t care. In these moments, he didn’t care at all. It just felt so natural.

His father had never really left him. He was still with him, in the sword, in his genes, in the omega body he’d given to him. Kakashi knew who he was. He knew where he stood and when he saw Iruka again between missions, he nodded and smiled at the man even though the other couldn’t see it underneath his mask.

The messenger bird threw him out of his new-found balance though. First, he thought it to be a summon from the Hokage but the carefully drawn kanji showed him quickly enough that it was from Iruka.

_Kakashi,_

_I’m about to enter my rut._

_If you still want to be with me, please come._

_Don’t mind if you don’t._

_Iruka_

And just like that, Kakashi wasn’t certain of anything anymore. He knew that Iruka wasn’t good for him. That this whole… something would lead to his downfall eventually because he would not survive Iruka’s death if he continued to be with the alpha. Of course, he wasn’t afraid to die but it was his job as the village’s weapon to stay alive and defend it. Even if it was just to keep Naruto alive.

But something inside him, something very selfish, didn’t like this prospect. Kakashi stared at the letter in front of him - the nicely drawn kanji. And he remembered how Iruka had been during his heat. What he’d done to Kakashi. It hadn’t left any scars. The whole ordeal had even healed one or two of the internal ones. Iruka was just as scarred as he was – not on the outside. But he would spend his rut in isolation because he couldn’t stand the thought of hurting someone. And it would hurt him.

Kakashi’s eyes came back to the letter. _Don’t mind if you don’t._ Of course Iruka would write that. But it wasn’t important. It was the _please come_ that made Kakashi tremble in indecision. It was a cry for help in two little words. An unshed tear. _Please_

And he was running through the hand signs before his brain realised that he had made a decision.

It took a moment, until Iruka managed to open the door. His pupils were blown wide, his cheeks flushed and the air was think with potent, angry alpha pheromones. Kakashi stepped in and closed the door before too much of it got into the stairway. “You came.”

“I told you I’d come.” Kakashi buried his hands in his pockets as if the scent wasn’t affecting him at all.

“Yes but you’ve been different lately.”

“Mah… you know how it is. Sometimes you learn things… and you need time to make sense of them.”

“Hm…” Iruka stepped into his personal space and scented Kakashi’s neck. “And did you manage to make sense of it?”

“Not really.” Having the alpha so close made Kakashi jittery and excited. “But I actually didn’t come to talk about my problems.” The alpha chuckled and his voice had dropped a whole register, it was shiveringly pleasant.

“True. Let’s get this collar on you before I lose my mind to this rut.” The think leather around Kakashi gave him a feeling of security and felt as if it was choking him at the same time. Not because it was obstructing his airways but… it was the weight of the unspoken something between that was still more a ‘some’ than a ‘thing’. It was the promise that they would both continue their lives when this was over as if nothing, or at least nothing life-changing had happened. And Kakashi knew that he didn’t want anything life-changing to happen. He had more than enough rational reasons why. And still he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Iruka was nuzzling what he could reach of Kakashi’s neck. His warm hands pulled the zipper of Kakashi’s flak jacket and crept under his shirt. Goose bumps appeared wherever he touched. Kakashi put his hands on Iruka’s shoulders and just let the alpha do. It wasn’t long until he was caught in a kiss.

The smell of blood in his nose and the salty taste of Iruka’s mouth didn’t match well but Kakashi felt his scent join into the mixture soon. It intertwined and mixed with Iruka’s and the burned village became a pond in a forest where a massacre had happened. It was a sight Kakashi knew well and he wasn’t afraid of it anymore. On the contrary. It was weirdly familiar.

Iruka bit his lip and it started to bleed. The scent and taste of real blood only made it better. Kakashi moaned quietly and the alpha ripped his shirt off. Half-naked, Kakashi looked at the still fully clothed alpha and the obvious erection tenting his pants. “Like what you see?” He couldn’t help but tease the alpha.

Iruka considered him for a long moment. “You’re too…” but he didn’t finish his sentence and growled instead. The next moment, Kakashi was shoved against the wall. Iruka bit his shoulder hard enough to draw blood. It hurt but it felt good at the same time. Pain grounded him. Made him feel alive, much like taijutsu. That hurt as well. Iruka pressed him into wall, bit and scratched his torso, until he was baring scratches and little bleeding wounds. That seemed to satisfy the alpha.

“You’re too perfect,” he growled. “I want to break your bones.” It scared Kakashi but it was a pleasant fear that made him shiver.

“Alpha, please”, he whispered, lowered his head and exposed his neck. There was nothing better to soothe an alpha in rut than a willing, submissive omega. Kakashi usually didn’t like submitting much but Iruka made it so easy. He was scooped up and thrown into the bed. Iruka literally ripped Kakashi’s pants off to admire the pale, naked and very aroused omega.

“You’re mine.” The words lit a firework of irrational pleasure inside of Kakashi and he shuddered as the alpha started to bite. First the collar, then everything else he could reach. When he finally thrust into Kakashi, the omega was reduced to a shivering moaning mess already. Kakashi had been with many alphas but none of them had made him feel like this, not even during rut or heat. Completely owned. Dominated. Cared for. Pain turned to pleasure, pleasure to ecstasy. Icha Icha seemed dull compared to what Kakashi experienced.

It took two days until Kakashi was able to walk again. Iruka took good care of him but Kakashi knew that the teacher felt horrible for what he had done to him. He wanted to comfort the alpha and take the guilt off his shoulders but he also didn’t want to admit how much he had enjoyed everything. Saying it out loud would make it real. So instead, he let Iruka mother him, smiled, and turned away when Iruka tried to kiss him.

After two days, he finally got dressed again and bid the alpha goodbye. “So this is it?” Iruka looked lost and it hurt Kakashi in a place he didn’t know could hurt. “We go back to our lives as if nothing happened.”

“That’s the plan.” Kakashi couldn’t do much more than shrug. “Worked well after my heat, didn’t it?”

“I guess…” Iruka put his hand on Kakashi’s shoulder but pulled it back after a moment of consideration. There was much more that he wanted to say and Kakashi had a rough idea what was going through the alphas head. That it had felt too good to be true, this thing between them. That nothing would ever come close. That he wanted Kakashi to be his mate but knew that he didn’t have the right to ask him, as aggressive and destructive as he was. And Kakashi hated himself that he knew all that and still said nothing.

“See you.” He lifted his hand, eye-smiled and turned to leave. See you next heat…

Kakashi didn’t know exactly why he didn’t buy new ones when he ran out of birth control pills. It wasn’t a plan that he’d made. It was more of a feeling. An urge. The more he fought with his father’s tanto, the more he felt his father’s life connect with his. Hatake omegas were cursed and he was the one to carry them into the next generation. So his heat hit much earlier than usual and Kakashi made sure to take leave this time. Then, he covered his scent as well as possible and made his way over to Iruka’s flat.

The teacher wasn’t home, of course not, it was not even lunch time, but Kakashi was good at breaking in. The wards were quite impressive and the heat gnawing on the edges of his mind didn’t make it easier but he managed to undo them and put them back in place, as soon as he was inside. He might have added a bit of his own chakra so that he could go in and out as he pleased. Complacent and slightly heated, he lowered himself onto Iruka’s sofa and relaxed into the soft cushions.

Iruka hardly flinched when he came home. “You’re early this time…” Apparently, he just accepted that Kakashi had gotten into his flat. Well, he was known as a genius after all.

“Hm…” Kakashi didn’t feel like forming words when he could inhale the alpha scent instead. It flooded the room a second later and activated his battle instincts. Burned down village. Aroused alpha. Lovely.

He was already naked and wearing the collar, so Iruka had to waste no time and slid into him a moment later. “Oh, you are delicious,” he purred. Kakashi keened, closed his legs around the alpha’s waist and pulled him even closer. “I like coming home to this.”

Oh, and Kakashi liked it even more. He’d been so empty and Iruka was so perfect as he moved inside him. This was how it was meant to be and Kakashi relished in it as much as he could. The alpha groaned and increased the speed. His hands grabbed Kakashi’s waist, produced ten perfect, little bruises and bit into a nipple. It was too good, Kakashi orgasmed before he knew what was happening. This was even better than he first time.

They relocated to Iruka’s bed where the alpha began to pound into him properly until the knot swelled and locked them together. Kakashi could feel the hot liquid in his belly and this time… this time he was fertile. And he loved knowing that Iruka didn’t know. That the alpha thrust and bit and gnawed on his collar as if it didn’t mean anything. While, at the same moment, it meant everything. Kakashi relished in the bruises. The adrenalin whenever Iruka pressed his fingers into one of the existing ones. Whenever he bit hard enough to draw blood. This time, he actually snapped Kakashi’s wrist and the omega made sure to put weight on the hand, to claw into Iruka’s long hair to feel the pain fill his arm and whole body until there was nothing but pain and pleasure. He lost his sense of space and time, there was only him and Iruka and they were one. The nothing which had become a something was now a thing and it might grow into something much bigger inside of Kakashi if he was lucky.


	4. The heavy weight of secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi's life is about to change. He is not ready to tell the secret to anyone. But some people have to know and others should know about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> I'm impressed with how many hits and kudos this story got already.  
> You seem to like it and I'm happy about that.  
> So, even though I should actually do things for uni, I prepared another chapter for you.  
> As term papers are due next months, chapters will probably come less regularly and you might have to wait longer for them.  
> I'm sorry but there are things more important than the writing, unfortunately.  
> Special thanks to MotherOfTheAliens, Mo2019, Ashley (Adc6fi) and tutseti for their comments on the last chapter. I loved them!
> 
> Have fun! :)

Kakashi continued like nothing had changed. And nothing had changed. Except that he felt dizzy some mornings and couldn’t keep his food down. And his ninken looked at him weirdly when he summoned them. It was Pakkun who spoke up in the end.

“So first you ask our advice on that alpha and now this?” He shook his little head. “Why aren’t you two mated?”

Kakashi sat on the floor with his back leaned against the wall and stroked Urushi’s fur. He was comfortable, strangely happy and didn’t want to think too much. Just… relish in his dogs’ company. “Iruka is a liability. If I attach myself to him, he’ll become a weakness and can be used against me. I can’t risk that.”

“But carrying his pup doesn’t put you at risk,” Guruko yipped in an ironic tone and shook his head. “Why do humans make everything so complicated?”

“Because they can’t accept that some things are easy,” Akino replied, “If you like someone like this, you mate them. Humans always think there has to be something more to it.”

“You know that I can hear you.” Kakashi extended his hand to give Bisuke belly rubs.

“Rightly so,” Shiba growled. “This is wrong.”

“It’s just as wrong as my whole existence. I was made the same way, wasn’t I?” Kakashi had been feeling good and now his dogs annoyed him. He thought about releasing them. But he also didn’t want to be alone.

“Sakumo was in a very different situation.” Pakkun lightly bit his finger and Kakashi pulled his hand back with a frown. “He found his true mate too late. His alpha was already mated to someone else. They were on mission together when Sakumo’s heat came unexpected. He was happy about you, yes, but… you have the chance to do it right and you still fuck everything up.” Kakashi felt cold all of a sudden. He didn’t know anything about Sakumo. It had been arrogant to think he had understood how things worked. It was stupid to try and recreate his dad’s tragedy. Why was he doing it? Because secretly he wanted Iruka to die?

“There is no such thing as true mates,” he mumbled. No Iruka, no heartbreak. No loss. No weakness.

“You should talk to your human friends.” Maybe Pakkun was right. But how was he supposed to explain this situation? “You know that you can’t hide it. You scent has already changed. Soon, you will start to grow.”

Kakashi’s hand found his stomach which had felt warmer recently. He would grow. It would weaken him. He certainly couldn’t go on missions like that. There was one person he had to tell, if he wanted to or not.

He always preferred the window when entering the Hokage office. It was a blind spot in the surveillance and he liked to remind his ANBU colleagues that they still had to do something about it. So, they jumped in the shadows, as they did every time when he climbed in.

“Brat” Tsunade sighed and eyed him. “The last time I tried the door it worked perfectly well and you needed to ask for an appointment to see me.”

“Mah… that’s too laborious, you know? You weren’t in a meeting, so I thought I could pop in for a second.”

“What is it? I don’t have missions for your calibre right now.”

“Good.” Kakashi eye-smiled and handed her the application form. “I apply for leave. For the next ten months.”

“Ten months?” The Godaime frowned. “That’s a long time, I can’t work without you for ten months. You know the only reason to apply for leave that long is…” Kakashi’s eye-smile told her what she needed to know.

“Fucking brat,” she cursed under her breath. “This is very inconvenient. You don’t even have a mate! How did that happen?!?” She jumped up and hit her desk with her fist. It broke into two equal halves. Kakashi was impressed. “You know how to avoid this!”

“Mah…” He scratched his head and shrugged. “Must’ve miscalculated.” Cat stepped out of the shadows and fixed the desk so that Tsunade could properly bury her face in her hands.

“At least the council will be pleased to see a Hatake heir,” she sighed. “Do you at least know who the father is?” Kakashi shrugged and Tsunade’s worry lines only deepened. “Well then. You better figure out the heritage of this child and be ready to re-join duty in ten months time. There is a check-up service at the hospital. _Please_ , use it. _Regularly._ ”

“You know I’m bad with timing.” Kakashi eye-smiled and shrugged.

“I noticed.” Tsunade sighed. “Don’t mess this up…” Her hand was twitching in the direction of her sake drawer but she wouldn’t touch it as long as he was in the room. So Kakashi climbed out the window and strolled back to the jonin apartment building. With a detour to the Takoyaki stall as he felt a sudden craving. The Hokage and the council knew. So did Tenzou, by chance. Now, there was only one person he had to tell.

“Rival!” Kakashi had needed two days to prepare himself for the visit to his best friend. Also, he hadn’t felt well the last day and had spent most of it heaving over the toilet bowel.

“Yo,” he eye-smiled. “Is your mate home?”

“Anko is on mission, unfortunately.” Guy ushered him in. “Did you come to see her?”

“Obviously not.” Kakashi shook his head. Guy and Anko were a peculiar alpha couple but as they were both peculiar people… Anko and Kakashi had a weird hate-friendship going on which only lasted because they both loved Guy. She was a horrible gossip and if she heard any of this, the whole village would know. Iruka too, consequently. And he would draw the appropriate conclusions. “Can I get some of your lemon balm tea by any chance? And some of these vanilla wafers… I’d kill for a vanilla wafer right now…”

“Of course, no worries. Please, sit.” Guy pointed at the table in his kitchen. “I’m glad to see you again. You’ve been quite reclusive the last few months.”

They trained together regularly but usually Kakashi came to visit Guy and eat his snacks at least once a month. “Ah yes… things happened. Met someone. Now I’m pregnant.”

“By the power of the First!” Guy had dropped the herbs in shock. “Kakashi… I’m… overjoyed to hear such happy news! Who is your fortunate mate?”

“No mate. Just pregnant.” Kakashi watched Guy collect the tea from the floor and inhaled his second wafer. Kakashi didn’t usually like sweet things but they were so good right now…

“I see…” Guy had overcome his outburst and focussed on making tea again. “But you do know who the sire is? Have you told them?”

“I know the father. I haven’t told him.” Kakashi inhaled the lovely scent of the tea. Guy had lots of lemon balm in his garden and always offered Kakashi some dried leaves to take home. But he refused every time. It wouldn’t be special anymore if he had it at home.

Guy served him a steaming cup of tea and sat down opposite him with a serious expression on his face. “You should tell him. If it’s not too difficult to reach out to him.”

Kakashi lowered his gaze. He couldn’t look at his friend without realising that he was right. “My father probably never knew about me…” Of course, he had looked into Matsuda Kousuke to find out as much as possible about him. He had been a friend and comrade of Sakumo. His wife was a civilian teacher and worked at one of the schools in Konoha. Or had worked, she was retired now. The couple had three kids; one older, two younger than Kakashi. The oldest had become a ninja and died at sixteen, the other two worked as a shopkeeper and a plumber. Kakashi had never come across any of them and he had no desire to meet his half-siblings.

“He might’ve wanted to. I’m sure he would’ve been proud of you if Sakumo-san had told him. He would’ve loved you if he had known. I’m sure of it.”

“That’s a lot of ifs, Guy. He already had a family. I would’ve destroyed his good life. Dad didn’t want that. I don’t want that. This one is mine.” Guy nodded quietly and stared into his tea. It was obvious that he disagreed with Kakashi but knew that he couldn’t do anything to change Kakashi’s mind. For a long time they just sat in silence and drank tea. “So this means… there won’t be much training in the following months,” he concluded eventually. “Just… don’t tell anyone, please.”

“I won’t.” Guy pulled him into one of his crushing hugs and this time, Kakashi let him. “But you won’t be able to hide it forever.”

“Watch me try.” Kakashi took another wafer and turned to leave. “Thanks for the tea.”

“Always happy to see you.” Guy followed him to the door. “Just one thing… promise me to think about it. Think about what this child would mean to him.”

Kakashi sighed and nodded. He really didn’t want to. “I will.”

What would this child mean to Iruka? Kakashi stared at his ceiling and couldn’t shake the thought any longer. It was one of his many sleepless nights and Guy’s words hadn’t left him. Now, the question came back with an intrusive force he couldn’t stop. What would this child, if Kakashi managed to carry it to term, mean to Iruka? It was devastating to realise that he had no idea. Of course, Iruka loved children. He was a teacher. But teaching children and raising your own… these were very different things. Now that Kakashi had learned that Iruka was, in fact, not an omega, the man didn’t make sense anymore. It was as if everything he had assumed to know about the man was wrong.

Iruka had not bonded with Naruto the way Kakashi had thought he did. Alphas weren’t capable of establishing a motherly bond with an orphaned pup like omegas. And things actually made more sense now. If there had been a paternal bond between the two of them, Iruka would’ve taken Naruto in. They really were just teacher and student, maybe friends, more like brothers. The big brother looking after the younger one. Iruka was still very young, four years younger than Kakashi. 25. Maybe he was not ready not have pups. Otherwise he would’ve taken a mate. But he hadn’t because he was afraid of hurting anyone. Maybe he wanted to have a child but didn’t want to take a mate because he couldn’t stand the thought of hurting them? If Kakashi thought back to how he had been at the age of 25… he wouldn’t waisted one thought on pups. At 29, this was a completely different matter.

His hand came to lie on his belly where he knew his child was growing. _He_ wanted it. He wanted someone who belonged to him, loved him – only him. Someone he could look after. Someone he could love without being afraid of them leaving him. Because it would be his pup and he would do everything to protect them. Kakashi would die before his child did, that much was clear. And they would grow into a fierce shinobi like him but with kindness in their heart. A soft smile like Iruka. His very own piece of Iruka to keep to himself. Because he wanted a piece of this extraordinary alpha and he got it. Growing inside him. Fierce possessiveness welled up suddenly. Maybe Iruka would love having a child with him and look after them lovingly. But maybe he wouldn’t. And he would let no one defile his child’s worth in any way. It was _his_ pup.

This concluded the topic. He was satisfied with the result. Only, it didn’t calm him. Rather the opposite. He felt more restless. And maybe some of it was guilt… somewhere inside him he knew Guy was right. He should tell Iruka. But something else, something very selfish and greedy wanted to keep the pup to himself. It was a secret. Kakashi had many secrets. Guy didn’t even know half of them. Tenzou knew more but there were a few things that Kakashi hadn’t told anyone. Things that he would never share with anyone. Things that kept him apart from other people. Secrets created a distance between him and the other person. That’s why Kakashi treasured them. Knowledge was power. He knew a lot of things about a lot of people. He knew other’s secrets because he observed. And they didn’t know that he knew. It created a sense of familiarity. He knew these people better than they knew him. Familiarity and distance at the same time. It was the place where Kakashi was most comfortable.

Tenzou visited him a week later. The ANBU always knocked and never waited for Kakashi to answer. He just stepped in through the wood of the door. Kakashi was on his bed, not wanting to get up. Usually, he didn’t like to stay in his flat. It was a place to sleep, not a place to live in. But right now, he couldn’t care less. He was bored, fatigued and not motivated to do anything. “Yo,” he greeted without looking up from his book. This was the lead-up to one of his favourite moments. When Mina-chan finally accepted Koriko…

“I’m not one to pry, senpai,” his kohai started, “But what exactly are you doing?”

_“I’m sorry Mina-chan, I should not have barged in like that. I couldn’t stand the way he was treating you.”_

“Procreation.” Kakashi turned the page. He loved this dialogue.

_“No, don’t be, Koriko-sama. You saved me. I understand now that your feelings are true. I always thought it was only wishful thinking that someone like you could love me. I am nothing.”_

Tenzou sat down on the edge of his bed and sighed. “Yes, apparently. But what exactly were you thinking? Naruto is far away, Sasuke is gone, the relationships between the nations are tense. This is a very bad time to…”

“I did not ask for your opinion, Tenzou.”

_“You are everything. Mina-chan, I have loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. From the day you became my assistant, I knew that I wanted to make you my mate. You are the most beautiful and gentle person I have ever met. I just kept my distance because I thought you didn’t like me.”_

Ah… he had lost the feeling. With a sigh he closed his book and sat up. His stomach gave an uncomfortable lurch and send some stomach acid up his throat. He hadn’t eaten yet because he’d felt sick but now appetite seemed to come back. “You want some Ikayaki?”

So they went to get Ikayaki. Kakashi applied some scent blocker because the pregnancy was quite obvious in his scent now that he was well into his seventh week. He had been bloated the last few days but it wasn’t obvious under his flak jacket.

After munching two squids he felt better but still got himself a third. “I never thought I would see you actually enjoy food, senpai,” Tenzou sighed when they settled in a well-hidden spot between the riverside and the woods. It was one of their favourite spots and they had been coming here since they had become friends through ANBU.

“My body needs the nutrition,” Kakashi shrugged. “Takoyaki, Ikayaki, all kinds of fish… I even found myself craving sweets.”

“This is going to turn you into a different person.” Kakashi did not miss his friends worried look and it annoyed him.

“So you have come to judge me just like Guy?” He usually didn’t show many emotions but it annoyed him that the people he treasured most in this world wouldn’t understand what he was trying to do. A sudden sadness welled up in him and he wiped his eyes. Apparently, pregnancy was affecting his usually well-controlled emotions already.

“I’m not… senpai!” Tenzou threw up his arms in exasperation. “I’m not judging you! I just… why now? Was this an accident? I know you’ve taken birth control for years and you never missed to take them. I feel like you planned this and I just want to understand why.”

“Does one always need a reason to wish for a pup? I’m an omega, that’s how we roll.”

“Don’t pull the omega card on me, senpai.” Tenzou’s eyes narrowed. “You know I’m an omega as well. A broken one, sure, I can’t have kids. And I know the feeling you’re talking about. But you know as well as me that imagining a pup and actually getting pregnant are two very different things.” Kakashi shrugged. He knew his friend was right and he didn’t want to argue when he knew he would lose. “Do you at least know who the father is? Have you told them? Did they agree to have a child with you?”

“I told you. _I’m_ having a child. Yes of course, there was an alpha involved and I know who the father is. But this is mine. I have lost so much in my life. Can’t I have one thing to myself for once?” Kakashi was getting riled up, he could feel the anger bubbling up inside him but he couldn’t do anything to stop it. Why was everyone against him?

“You’re not making any sense, senpai,” Tenzou said with a sigh, “But I can’t tell you what to do. This is not a thing, though, it’s a person. I think they deserve to know both their parents.”

“I didn’t know my father and did that hurt me?” Maybe Kakashi was behaving like a petulant child but he just wanted Tenzou to understand. It made him angry and sad that his friend didn’t.

“I think it did, Kakashi.” His friend turned towards him and extended one arm. Kakashi left the spot he was sitting in and cuddled up. The physical touch made his eyes tear up even more but there was nothing as soothing as the hug of a fellow omega. “I don’t know any of my parents and I have no way of finding out. But I wouldn’t give my child away because of it. I would make sure they would get everything I missed in my childhood. But I can’t have a child and maybe that’s a good thing.” Kakashi didn’t speak, just buried his face in his friend’s chest and cried silently. He wasn’t used to emotions this strong but he knew he had to learn how to control them. “I always feel like children don’t only inherit their parent’s traits but also their scars.”

Kakashi was scarred. Inside and out. The thought of his child feeling as lost and hopeless as he did too often made him sob silently. He would make sure that this wouldn’t happen. He would care for this child. He would be better. But Iruka had no part to play in this. The teacher had so many children to care for… Kakashi did not want to strain him with another. And he wouldn’t endanger the alpha by becoming special to him. Iruka was too good to have Kakashi in his life. He was too precious to die because of Kakashi. Too many people had died because of him. He wouldn’t let anyone die again. He wouldn’t let anyone become important enough to cloud his judgement. Of course, he would mourn Tenzou or Guy if they died. But it wouldn’t break his heart like his dad’s death had. Or Obito’s. Or sensei’s. Or… Rin. He shuddered in the warm embrace when he remembered her face. The look in her eyes. She had loved him. They might have become mates one day. But he had killed her. He wouldn’t kill Iruka-sensei.

For a long time, they just sat, listened to the sounds of nature and enjoyed the sunlight. Peace was rare in a ninja’s life, so they appreciated it a lot more than civilians did. Tenzou’s embrace calmed and comforted him. Eventually, the fellow omega moved away. “Your scent blocker is wearing out, we should get you home.”

Kakashi didn’t want Tenzou to leave but he knew the topic would come back, so he agreed and accompanied his friend to his room in the ANBU quarters. After a second of hesitation, he thanked him and left. The way back to his own flat felt much longer than it was and he felt the now familiar fatigue catching up with him again.


	5. What's a life worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The baby is growing and Kakashi's body is changing. And he's not telling anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> I'm inspired and not doing the uni work I am supposed to do! Yay!  
> But at least I got my first hate comment recently. That was an interesting experience.  
> I was just trying my luck at SasuNaru (which I don't ship) and I guess someone really couldn't stand the idea of a gay Sasuke. :D  
> Anyway, I feel like this story is developing in a direction which is rather new to me too...  
> Thank you for the many lovely comments on the last chapter. They really motivate me and help me to think about this story on ever deeper levels and see it from different perspectives. <3
> 
> Have fun!

At the beginning of his second trimester, Kakashi noticed the first changes to his body. He had put on weight, that much was obvious. He had been underweight for years because between missions he never managed to establish a regular eating routine. But, even though he still felt nauseous at random times of the day, his appetite had increased and he found himself munching constantly sometimes. He gave in to his weird cravings and he didn’t see the need not to. Except the one for the soap bar, even though he eyed it hungrily every time he washed his hands.

Slowly, he was reaching a healthy balance and the slight layer of fat which coated his muscles suited him. His face looked softer but that might have also been because of the softening of his skin. To his surprise, he noticed that some of the more superficial scars on his skin disappeared. His child was healing his outside. Maybe it would help healing his inside as well. But he still wasn’t showing. He’d been waiting for the little curve in his stomach to appear but maybe his child was a small one. Or Kakashi’s muscles did not give in yet. His middle was sensitive and it hurt to apply pressure but the outward slope was missing.

Kakashi went into hiding. When he had to go out to buy groceries, he used a henge and scent blockers. He did the same when he visited the memorial stone at night. Sometimes, he spent the whole night there, talking to his dad. He didn’t take the tanto with him, it would’ve given him away, but he often held it and swung it when he was at home. His eyes followed the white chakra with every movement of the blade and he felt connected to the weapon. When Iruka sent him a note that he was going into rut, he ignored it. The teacher was supposed to think Kakashi was on an extended mission.

Tenzou sometimes visited him between missions, so did Guy but he couldn’t stand their worried looks and kicked them out quickly after they had come. His dogs were easier to handle. He knew that they disliked his choice just as much but he could ignore that. Even though he was an omega, he was still their pack leader and they would never say anything against him, especially if he was giving them steak and belly rubs.

When he finally noticed the tiny bump in his stomach, his hips were already widening and stretch marks had appeared on his legs and bottom. He was getting real curves, something he’d never had and hadn’t expected. At first, it looked weird, especially in his clothes but he got used to it awfully fast. And then, he basically ballooned out. As if, now that his abdominal muscles had given up the fight, the baby had to catch up with growing. Kakashi couldn’t adjust to his new centre of gravity as well as he wanted to and the belly got in the way of all kinds of everyday tasks. He found himself touching it constantly, rubbing the strained skin listening for the movements that would appear soon. When Kakashi went outside now, he only changed his face to a more female one and added firm, big breasts as his chakra refused to change the rest of his body. Like Tenzou had said, he couldn’t hide the pregnancy. But he was able to hide his identity.

Tenzou sometimes popped in when he wasn’t on mission but he made sure no one saw him. Guy was too obvious, so Kakashi asked him to stay away. His rival wrote him long flowery letters instead. It was as if Kakashi had left the village on an extended mission. He would go to one of the less regularly used training areas sometimes to keep his body fit and flexible. With a genjutsu cast around him, people passing by would see a twelve-year-old train his genjutsu. Kakashi had done more difficult infiltration missions and he knew Konoha like the back of his hand. It was easy for him to stay hidden if he wanted to. And he wanted to.

One night, Tenzou all but crashed into his bedroom. Of course, Kakashi was in full attack mode instantly but when he saw his friend crumble into sobs next to his bed, he knew that this was a different kind of emergency. Without further ado, he heaved himself up and out of bed to gather the shivering mess from the floor and into his arms. Kakashi had been in situations like this before. Soothing pheromones, physical contact and warmth was what his omega friend needed right now. So he slowly pulled the mucky flak jacket and the boots off his friend to get him into bed with him.

The silent weeping turned into helpless sobs eventually but that was a good sign. It meant that Tenzou was finding his voice again. Kakashi held him, stroked him. His warm bump pressed into his friend’s stomach and it wasn’t long until he felt cut and bloodied fingers caressing it. The baby moved but Tenzou wouldn’t be able to feel it from the outside. Not yet. “Do you want to stay the night?” The omega just nodded and Kakashi gripped him tighter. “You’re safe. I’m here. You’re in my bed. It’s all going to be okay. Eventually.” He didn’t know what had happened but it must’ve been a special kind of awful if it was able to shake the ANBU like this. Tenzou’s hands didn’t leave Kakashi’s belly, it was as if he needed to touch it. Kakashi let him and just exuded more soothing pheromones. They all had these breakdowns. It was normal for ANBU to sometimes just shatter. No one talked about it but every one of them could relate. They knew what to do. Comfort and physical contact, soothing pheromones. Unquestioning affection. Tenzou had done something horrible. Something he could not live with. Something that would come back to him again and again in his dreams. Kakashi had to hold him now and make sure this didn’t kill his friend. Because he was the only one Tenzou could turn to.

“I killed a child,” his friend sobbed and Kakashi knew that this was already more than he was allowed to say. “I… I…”

“Sh…” Kakashi stroked Tenzou’s arm and wiped his tears. It didn’t help, they were just replaced by new ones. The worst thing was that they were not allowed to talk about it. Everything ANBU did was classified, even their identities were. Some of them stayed cooped up and never engaged with the life in Konoha because sooner or later jonin and sometimes even chunin figured out who was ANBU and who wasn’t. So many just vanished from the collective memory and stayed in the shadows until they died. Or killed themselves. ANBU was not the job one grew old in. Tenzou had managed to stay away from Konoha and the everyday life so far. He didn’t have any friends except Kakashi. So Kakashi was the only one who knew his secret. Killing a child went against every omega instinct, most of them just couldn’t do it. Consequently, most of the time, only omegas were able to reach well protected marks. They thought that Tenzou, because his reproductive system had been maimed by Orochimaru’s experiments, didn’t have the ingrained maternal instincts. And Tenzou acted like he wasn’t affected. Because he didn’t want the assignment to fall to anyone else. Only Kakashi knew that it was even harder for his friend to take young lives. He always identified with the mothers. Fortunately, child assassination missions were very rare. But they did exist. “You did what you had to do.”

Tenzou cried out. Kakashi knew the sound. Pups made it when they lost their parents. Omegas made it when they needed their mate. Tenzou didn’t have a mate. Kakashi could only hold him closer and let the other caress his baby bump. “I swear, I will protect this one,” Tenzou whispered. “No matter what happens. I will look after them.” Kakashi didn’t like his friend’s words. This was his child, no one else’s. But he knew that if he died, this child would need a protector. And Tenzou would love them, in his own weird, adorable way. And he knew that Tenzou needed something to hold onto. So he didn’t say anything, gritted his teeth and released soothing pheromones.

His friend cried for a long time, until it turned into dry sobs. His tears were used up. Kakashi knew the feeling. Many ANBUs couldn’t cry at all because they had used all their tears already. Kakashi always tried to pace himself and shed as little tears as possible. He had cried a lot as a child. He did not want to run out of tears before he really needed them. Eventually, his friend fell asleep or unconscious next to him and Kakashi was left to stare into the dark and listen to the movements of the unborn in his belly. He was able to create life. Maybe he would be able to fill a few empty holes that early lost lives had left. Was that was Sakumo had thought when he had been pregnant? What had his dad’s life been like before Kakashi? What had his pregnancy been like? Kakashi would never know. He couldn’t ask anyone anymore. They were all dead. Everyone around him died. Only the Hatake omegas stayed alive until they couldn’t take it anymore. Kakashi’s child would be a boy. He would be an omega. That was the way of the world. Life was cruel like that.

Tenzou stayed. Like always, he tried to make himself useful. But there was nothing to do except cleaning and so it didn’t take long until he crumpled to the floor in sobs or hyperventilation and Kakashi would be there to soothe him. It took a week until Tenzou felt ready to leave again. He smiled and hugged Kakashi one last time. “Thank you, senpai,” he said. He had never lost the honorific even though Kakashi was not ANBU anymore. And Kakashi never asked him change that, even though he saw Tenzou as a friend, not just a kohai.

“You really need to get out and meet people, Tenzou,” he advised his friend. “Otherwise this will kill you eventually.”

“You’re not the one to tell me.” Right he was. But the words still hit a sensitive point. Kakashi thought of the ANBU mission which had saved him. He had complained to Minato-sensei a lot about it but guarding the Hokage’s pregnant wife had shown Kakashi that there was more to life than fighting, killing and surviving. He was grateful that the Sandaime had asked him to become a sensei. He had fought against it long enough by refusing team after team. It had done them good in the end. They had learned their lesson about teamwork without anyone dying and they’d had the chance to get a teacher who was actually capable. He had not been able to refuse Team 7. Part of it was that they had actually understood what teamwork meant. Or at least, at that point Kakashi had thought that they had… which turned out to be a mistake, if he looked at it now. It had not necessarily been Naruto’s determination which didn’t accept a ‘no’ but it had been Sasuke. The bitter boy who had lost everything and only sought revenge. Kakashi had seen himself in him, he wanted to safe the boy. He thought he understood him. But the idea of revenge had always been foreign to Kakashi, he had not understood anything about what was going on in Sasuke. He should’ve taken him in. There had been more than a few moments when there had been the opportunity to envelop the orphaned pup in his scent and bind them together. Kakashi had wanted to. His inner omega had screamed at him to take this pup as his own. His sense of duty had won every time. Then, Sasuke had presented, the opportunity had been gone and the wish for revenge and power had driven the boy out of the village. Kakashi would do better with the pup that was actually his own. He was determined to prove that. He learned from his mistakes.

“Mah… I’m fine. I’m better with dogs.”

Yamato sighed and rolled his eyes. It was quite impressive given the size of them. “I hope for your baby’s sake that this is not true.”

Kakashi tensed and checked the area for chakra signatures. None except their own. “Do you want to shout it from the rooftops?”

“Actually yes.” Yamato slumped a bit. “I’m happy for you. And I am looking forward. This is not something to be kept secret.”

Kakashi knew a ‘you should tell the father’ when it was implied and it annoyed him. “I got your point. But I will do things my way.”

“Of course you will.” His kohai nodded. “Thank you for letting me stay. You’re actually quite good at caring for other people.” And then, he shunshined away. Kakashi watched the spot his friend had been in for a moment. These last words warmed him. With a smile, he stroked his belly and felt his pup move. It was peaceful in a way. This was a good thing, he knew that for sure by now.

When someone knocked on his door and did not come in, alarm bells rang in Kakashi’s head. A note was pushed into his flat from under the door.

_Open up, brat. This is an order. Tsunade._

And it had the Hokage seal on it. With a sigh, Kakashi opened the door. “I’m on leave.”

“I know.” The medic stepped in and took of her shoes. “You have not come to any health check-ups like Tsunade-sama told you to. So I was sent to look at your baby.”

“Tsunade did not tell me, she recommended it. I’m fine.” But the damage was done already, so Kakashi obediently sat down on a kitchen chair and let the medic do her job.

“Any symptoms?”

“Heartburn…” Kakashi shrugged. Of course, not everything had been nice and cuddly. But it was nothing compared to what Kakashi had experienced on mission. It was nice pain. “Bit uncomfortable in the pelvic area sometimes. I guess my hips are widening.”

“Well, your baby is healthy and strong, so are you.” She sighed. “You should still come in for check-ups.”

“I’ll come to the hospital when I go in labour. I won’t have the baby in here. That’s all I can promise.” Kakashi was annoyed that this woman had invaded his private space anyway.

“If you feel any pain that does not go away, you have to come and let us look at you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it.”

She still looked at him and wasn’t leaving. He looked back and tried to look as slouched and uninterested as possible. “Don’t you want to know the baby’s gender?”

“No.” It was a boy. Even if it turned out to be a girl… it didn’t matter. It was his child, he would love them.

“Well, it’s going to be a surprise then.” She shrugged. “Your mammary glands are developing well. Don’t be surprised if your nipples feel sore. You’ll start growing breasts in no time.”

Ah, that. Kakashi could not imagine a version of himself that had breasts. But it would only temporary as long as he nursed the baby. He didn’t have to worry about that. “Thanks. Bye.” The eye-smile and the two-finger salute should be enough to drive her away.

She huffed and shook her head. Then, she left without another word. Kakashi summoned his ninken and cuddled up in the corner where he had built a little, extremely comfortable nest from himself and his pack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, the Tenzou bit it unusually dark for me... but the Naruto universe is a dark, okay?  
> The ANBU situation is worth exploring though.


	6. The things we hold most dear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's happening. It has to happen at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> How are you holding up? I tore my way through the rest of my first term paper yesterday...  
> Which means that I can tick that off my list... and I can at least indulge for a moment and give you another chapter before I start the next uni work.  
> Thank you for the many lovely comments on the last chapter! I loved reading them, and replying. <3  
> Now, be excited for the new chapter. :)

It happened eventually. Kakashi wasn’t surprised. It had to happen at some point. He was too good of a ninja to ignore the possibility. Iruka was in front of his door.

“Kakashi?” The alpha asked since the knock had been ignored. “I know you’re in there.” He was too stubborn to just go away, wasn’t he? Kakashi sighed. “Please open the door.”

“I’m not decent.” He sounded bored as he always did. It was the best way to hide how agitated he actually was. “Why are you here?”

A sigh. “I know, I shouldn’t have come. But… you can’t deny that… that…” He was probably blushing adorably and scratching his scar. Iruka always scratched his scar when he was embarrassed or inseure. Kakashi imagined how the other must look in front of his door… he couldn’t help but smile. And his heart beat a little faster, the traitorous organ it was. “I miss you.” Kakashi hardly heard the words. It was only a whisper. He suddenly felt weird and for a second he contemplated opening the door. Then, the baby kicked did a swirl or something and reminded him why he couldn’t.

“Mah, that’s very unprofessional of you, Iruka-sensei.” Kakashi was leaning against the door by now. Trying to be as close to the teacher without actual contact. He hated himself for it. Another sigh.

“We might be ninjas but we’re also humans. Kakashi, I’m not going to beg you. I just want to know, you know… What are we, Kakashi?”

“You’re an alpha. I’m an omega. We’re both shinobis of Konoha.” Bile rose in Kakashi’s throat or maybe it was just the usual heartburn. Still, this answer felt wrong.

“You haven’t been to the mission desk for a long time,” Iruka remarked. “And I haven’t seen you anywhere in the city. Are you alright, Kakashi?”

Of course, Iruka-sensei would be worried. He always worried. He was too precious. “As I said, I’m indecent. But I’ll be fine in a couple of months.”

“Okay…” The teacher really sounded disappointing. He really wasn’t any good at hiding his emotions. There was a long moment of silence… both of them just leaned against the door trying and trying not to catch something of the other. “Will I see you again?”

The question weighed too heavy for Kakashi to answer it right away. “Maybe…” Iruka was still the best Kakashi had ever had. He was spoiled for any other alpha. Probably.

“I’m worried about you.” Yes, that much was clear. “Why don’t you let me help you?”

“I’m fine. I don’t need help.” After a moment of silence, he added: “It’s nothing personal” and felt like the biggest liar in history. The uneasiness about this answer accumulated and sent Kakashi running for the toilet. When he came back, Iruka was gone.

Somehow, he felt empty now that the man had left. He had planned this whole thing out. How to go on from here. How to raise them… and suddenly, he was unsure. Where would this lead him? Where would it lead his child? What would this pup mean to Iruka? How would he react to finding out?

Iruka loved children but he didn’t have any of his own. Maybe that was a choice? Maybe he knew that this pup would live in constant danger… he had seen what Iruka was capable of in his rut. Kakashi was probably the only omega who could handle him. Who could guarantee that Iruka would stop for his baby? Kakashi suddenly saw Iruka, his face distorted by rage throwing a something against the wall. A bloody lump on the floor. The bloody mark on the wall. Kakashi had to swallow the bile back down again. Alphas sometimes killed their pups. It was rare but it happened.

On the other hand, the man was a teacher. And kids had never been better protected than in his hands. Naruto was the living proof of Iruka’s paternal competence. Iruka worried, he loved fiercely, he would give his life for the people most dear to him. He was too precious for someone like Kakashi. All remaining energy left him, Kakashi sat down. “What am I supposed to do with you?” He whispered the question and the baby moved. But it wasn’t exactly the answer Kakashi was looking for. What had he been thinking when he stopped taking birth control? He had known that Iruka would impregnate him. It had all seemed so easy and obvious back then. His eyes found the picture on his windowsill. He and Team 7. He and Team Minato. A light blond man with a wide grin playing with his three pups in the garden. Kakashi had stolen it from his father’s wife. He wasn’t necessarily proud of it but he liked this photo. Two of the pups were blond. One was ginger. There was no silver-haired one among them. But Kakashi imagined what it would have been like. He sighed deeply and stroked the swell. Maybe his friends had been right. Maybe he should’ve told Iruka. But it was too late now.

Training was getting a bit bothersome. The heavy belly weighed him down and obstructed his movements, it was crazy to think how much bigger he would still get. How was he supposed to stay fit? Tsunade expected him to be back in active service as possible. And it would take time to get back in shape. Kakashi was not a vain man but he liked his lean, narrow alpha-ish body. Now, he looked more like an omega every day. Just as the medic had said, his pecs had started to bud out and grow into little breasts. And they would only get bigger as they prepared him for nursing a child.

A chakra signature appeared behind him. Kakashi startled only for a second before he resumed his movements. This was probably a coincidence. “Why are you hiding, Kakashi?” He continued his slow, controlled movements. Iruka had not touched his genjutsu. He still saw the young boy practising his tanto moves.

“How did you find me?” He had been sure that this was a solid concealment. If a chunin teacher was able to see through it, he did not deserve his title as jonin and he really had to up his skills.

“I didn’t.” Iruka huffed. “Raidou did.” It relieved Kakashi to hear that. Raidou was an unchallenged jonin and ANBU. He and Kakashi had done quite a few missions together. The genjutsu was a simple one. It only changed the appearance of his body. It copied his movements and translated them into a young boy doing them. Like this, Kakashi needed only very little chakra and could keep the illusion going for hours. But someone who knew him as well as Raidou could have identified his pattern of movements. “I was worried about you and I knew that you had to leave your flat at some point. So I asked people to look out for you.”

“Hm…” Smart. Kakashi only ever trusted in his own abilities. He would’ve never even thought about asking people for help. “You were supposed to think I was on an extended mission.”

“I know.” Iruka was so close but they were not touching. And he still didn’t try to break into Kakashi’s genjutsu. He was so chivalrous… “But it’s always easy to see whether you’re on mission or not.”

“How so?”

“Guy. Your boisterous, intense friend. He worries about you when you go on mission and it affects his whole behaviour. I watch people too, you know?”

“Hm.” Kakashi stopped his movement and turned around. Iruka was seeing the face of some random thirteen-year-old look up at him. “Why are you here?”

The alpha smiled at him but his eyes looked sad. It hurt Kakashi in a weird, fuzzy place. The baby kicked his liver unexpectedly and he couldn’t help but wince. “Because you still haven’t answered my question. All I can see is the face of a boy I don’t know. Why are you hiding from me?” Kakashi opened his mouth but he really didn’t know where to start explaining. “I guess I scared you during your heat. I can understand that. But you could’ve told me that I should leave you alone. And it still doesn’t explain why you vanished.”

Kakashi sat down on the grass. His ankles were swelling again already and his feet needed a break. It was sort of comforting that Iruka couldn’t see his distorted shape and what was really going on. “I’m not scared of you,” he said quietly, “Well, I might be scared about what you’re capable of but that’s not the point.” Iruka sat down opposite him still keeping his distance. “I’m afraid that I might start to care about you, Iruka,” he finally admitted with a sigh. “All the people I loved died. I am cursed. I don’t want you to die.”

There was a long silence. Iruka’s warm, kind eyes just looked at him. It was hard to believe that this calm, kind person and the terrifying alpha Kakashi had experienced were the same person. “Now I feel like I’m actually talking to a genin,” the teacher finally said. “You know well enough that there is no such thing as curses. You might have had a lot of unfortunate events happening in your life but Naruto is still alive and getting stronger, isn’t he? And Sasuke might have left the village but he is getting stronger by the day, I suppose.”

“Yes but…”

“But you don’t love them? Be honest to yourself, Kakashi. Naruto told me how you risked your life again and again to save them.” Kakashi slumped and hung his head. Iruka was right. His fear of people dying around him was irrational. Probably. Naruto was in danger and Sasuke was a missing nin… but somehow he doubted that anyone would be able to actually kill them. They were something special. And he loved both of them, in a way. It wasn’t as obvious but… yes, he loved them. “Also, I think this is not a decision you can make on your own. I think you should ask me about it. Maybe I would accept that risk?” Kakashi’s eyes shot up to Iruka who winked at him. Did the alpha just imply that… “Kakashi, you’re different than any other omega I have met so far. Of course, I know that I’m terrifying and I know that I don’t have the right to ask you for anything but… I miss you. Since you left, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was missing something. That’s what I wanted to tell you two weeks ago when I was in front of your door. I never actually considered taking a mate… until I met you.” Now, it was on Iruka to blush. And he blushed beautifully. It wasn’t as obvious on his tan skin as it might have been on Kakashi’s cheeks but the area around his scar flushed bright red. Kakashi was feeling worse every second. Of all the times, they could have picked, the baby seemed to continue Kakashi’s training for him. It was hard to sit still and not clutch his belly. He huffed and scrunched up his face when a strong kick hit his kidney.

Iruka was watching him. And of course he was instantly worried. “Are you alright, Kakashi?”

Kakashi just nodded and tried to ignore how the baby was trying to force the pee out of his bladder. Tenzou and Guy were right. He wasn’t able to hide this indefinitely. And even though it would destroy this moment and it would destroy everything… he had started to destroy the thing they had the day he decided to not buy new birth control. Out of his irrational fear of losing people. But if he told Iruka now, it would make things easier for the both of them. Especially for Kakashi. He wouldn’t have to hide anymore. He just didn’t want to imagine what it would do to Iruka and how the aggressive alpha would react. How was he supposed to justify his decision without offending the teacher?

“You’re probably wondering why I cast a genjutsu around me.” He couldn’t help but sound a bit strained and breathless.

“Yes, actually. I would’ve asked about that sooner or later.”

“I’m hiding something from you, Iruka. I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have. I wasn’t thinking, not really and…” Kakashi was short of hyperventilating suddenly.

“Calm down, Kakashi. It can’t be that bad. I promise that I will not be upset. Just tell me.”

Kakashi doubted that Iruka would be able to keep this promise but it was the best he would get. “I…” He couldn’t say it. The words refused to come out of his mouth. For the lack of better options, Kakashi dissolved the genjutsu. The football-sized belly was obvious, even in the XXL sweatshirt he was wearing, especially because Kakashi groaned and rubbed the swell in hope that it would soothe the little one running amok in there.

Iruka had become very still. It was as if he had frozen. Kakashi sat up to get a better look at the man while also trying to ignore the soccer match in his belly. “It is mine,” he eventually stated matter-of-factly, “You planned this.”

Kakashi nodded slowly and huffed because the baby hit his stomach and forced its content up his throat. “I don’t know why,” he admitted, “I really can’t explain. I just… wanted to have a baby. For myself.”

“That’s why you didn’t tell me.” Iruka jumped to his feet. “Everything makes sense now. Why you were even more enticing during our second heat together. You actually were fertile. And I felt so satisfied and sated afterwards because I actually managed to impregnate you!” His eyes found Kakashi again and they were blazing with something Kakashi didn’t understand. Slowly, he got to his feet and he hated how clumsy he was because of the belly. “This is my pup and you didn’t tell me about it.”

Kakashi hated how well the alpha kept his scent hidden in public. He had no idea what was going on in the teacher’s head. “This is my pup. I’m carrying it,” he couldn’t help but clarify, “And I didn’t want to burden you. You’ve got so many kids to look after. Also, I wasn’t sure if the baby would be safe with you.”

“Burden me???” Iruka’s laugh sounded hysterical. “Kakashi, I thought you were such a genius. I love children! Do you know why I became a teacher? Not because the mission went wrong, no. I realised that the only thing that can properly keep my aggressions in check are pups. And now that you’re carrying mine…” Iruka stepped into his comfort zone. Kakashi checked every possibility to get away from the alpha but he did not take action yet. With a deep inhale Iruka buried his nose in Kakashi’s neck. His hands came to lie on the bump. He had to feel the thunderstorm happening in there. Kakashi’s whole body seemed to tingle. Hormones rushed through his bloodstream and for a second, Kakashi nearly forgot how to breathe. “All I can think of is how I will destroy anyone who wants to harm you,” the teacher admitted with his deep rumbling alpha voice. Kakashi’s knees gave but he was held up by Iruka’s warm hands. If he had been able to smell the alpha’s scent he knew that he would’ve lost control. Like this, he was only overwhelmed and managed to push the man away from him.

Iruka stared at him for a second, then his eyes cleared again. “I’m sorry, I… need time…” And then, he shunshined away. Kakashi was left feeling lost. The baby had calmed down, probably just as confused about the rush of hormones as their carrier. He would have expected all kinds of reaction but not… whatever that was. Slowly, he made his way home to his flat without a henge this time. But he was still relieved when he didn’t meet anyone.


	7. What's destined to begin with

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> How are you doing? Germany is having a lot of snow right now... the south doesn't get much, the north gets a lot and they can't handle it...  
> I'm living in the middle east, so we are getting a decent amount of snow. Enough that we could ski down the street yesterday night. That was fun!  
> It's all snowy winter wonderland out there. But it's cold, so I prefer to watch it through a window wrapped in my oversized sweater. :D  
> Enough about me.  
> Thank you for the incredible amount of comments I got for the last chapter!!!  
> I'm so glad you like the story and where I'm going with this. So far, anyway. We're entering difficult territory.  
> I wouldn't call it angst territory but... well, see for yourself.  
> Have fun!

Now, Kakashi had no reason to continue hiding so he didn’t quite understand why he was still doing it. Maybe he’d grown comfortable with just being home, lounging on his bed and reading… Maybe it was still the nagging little thought that he didn’t want people to know. That this was _his_ child. It was absolutely stupid to think that it would be less his child if people knew about it but he just couldn’t shake the feeling.

Iruka knew. And Kakashi was uncomfortable with it. But maybe the alpha didn’t care? He hadn’t come back again. Was Kakashi expecting him too? Yes. From all the things he had observed about the alpha, he was not someone who avoided problems or conflict. Iruka was a man of responsibility. But Kakashi couldn’t really expect the alpha to take responsibility for… no, this was his own doing. And Kakashi should be relieved that Iruka didn’t bother him. But now that the other knew, it was weird that he stayed away.

The absence of the alpha settled heavier with every day that passed. Kakashi practised his tanto movements more regularly than before… it helped him clear his head. It comforted him and it made him feel connected to his father. To be honest, it was better that he was still alone in all this. Iruka didn’t fit into Kakashi’s life or the one that he imagined for his pup. If Kakashi allowed him to take part, the teacher would die. If Kakashi allowed Iruka to be close, he would open his heart to the alpha and it would break him. He couldn’t break, he would have a child to look after. Soon.

So when Iruka finally knocked on his door, he frowned. “Kakashi?” He sounded confused. He’d probably expected Kakashi to open the door right away. “Why don’t you open the door?” Kakashi waited five horrible minutes in which he hoped that Iruka would leave until he opened the door. The teacher looked messy and tired. Kakashi didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry for not coming earlier. I needed time and… school was hell this week. Literal hell.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Can I…”

For a lack of better options, Kakashi stepped aside and let the teacher in. He caught the faintest whiff of the alpha’s scent and it ignited a longing in his heart that he didn’t want there. This was exactly why he wanted Iruka to stay away. Because everything else made him want the other.

Iruka looked around in the sparse kitchen space before he took a seat on one of the two chairs accompanying the tiny kitchen table. His eyes settled on Kakashi… he looked tired, mostly. And unsure of what to say, apparently, because he didn’t speak. Kakashi didn’t know what to do either so he just remained standing and stared at Iruka from across the room. Heavy silence settled between them. Eventually, the alpha sighed. “How are you?” From all the things, Kakashi had expected to come out of the teacher’s mouth, it had not been a simple ‘how are you’. Fortunately, the answer to this question was easy. There was only one.

“Fine”

And silence again. Iruka buried his face in his hands and something inside of Kakashi didn’t like to see him distressed. “I thought this would never happen.” His voice sounded muffled through his hands. “I thought I would never have kids. Why didn’t you talk to me?”

Kakashi had thought that they had established that on the training field.

“Because this was my decision.” His ankles started to slowly swell and hurt a bit but Kakashi didn’t want to sit down opposite Iruka. The distance made it easier. The remnants scent didn’t reach him.

“Yes but _why me_?” Iruka looked up and his eyes were dark. And he looked so, so tired. It sparked something in Kakashi and he didn’t like it. So he focussed on the question asked. For the first time, he realised that he had no answer to it. Yes, Iruka had been the alpha easiest available for the task but Kakashi could’ve seduced any other alpha if he had really wanted to. That wasn’t it. Why Iruka?

“I never asked myself that question.” And it was the truth. His father had had someone special to him and they had had a child together. Did that mean that Iruka was someone special to Kakashi? No, because that was exactly what Kakashi tried to avoid.

“Twenty-seven weeks, right? I counted back.” Kakashi nodded. His back was aching and his feet wanted him to sit down but he didn’t listen. “Can you reign in your scent? You’re distressed and… this damn protectiveness. I don’t want to go and attack your neighbours.” Kakashi nodded and covered his scent glands with chakra. He also opened the windows in his bedroom to let some fresh air in. Iruka must be smelling the scent of pregnant omega all around him… no wonder he covered his nose with his hands. “Thank you.” Another long pause. This one actually felt depressing. It got to Kakashi and he felt his eyes wet. Sadness was the emotion he could handle the least since his pregnancy had started. He finally sank down to the floor. This conversation was exhausting. “Will you let me be part of this child’s life?”

Another question Kakashi struggled to answer. He knew he didn’t want to but now that Iruka knew… could he really keep this child from him? Because Iruka wanted to have children. That much was clear by now. He just nodded slowly and it felt like defeat. It seemed to relieve Iruka though. The man sighed and looked up. His eyes found Kakashi’s across the room and… they were so warm. Iruka should have been mad at him for getting pregnant without asking and keeping it secret. Why wasn’t he mad? Suddenly, the alpha stood up and walked across the room to get to him. Kakashi finally gave into his urge and fled to the nest in his room where he curled up. Like this, it was easier to stand the alpha.

Iruka startled. “Am I… Is it okay if I enter your room?”

Why was this man so sensitive and considerate? Of course, he wouldn’t enter an omega’s private space without being invited. Why did he do everything right? Kakashi nodded and Iruka settled on his bed with enough distance to not crowd him and close enough to establish a sense of proximity. “I didn’t know where you lived,” he said quietly. His eyes had settled on Kakashi and they were still so warm and fond… “And it’s not exactly easy to find out. “ He huffed and it sounded a bit like a laugh. “Did you know why I came here the first time?” Kakashi shook his head. “I missed you.” Iruka smiled sadly and looked down at his hands. Maybe it was better like this… the warmth of his eyes made Kakashi feel weird. “Like I never missed anyone before. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Another long pause but this one was filled with intent thinking. “I never thought about having mate before. Well, I did. But I never actually considered it. And then you came to me for advice went into heat. I never felt like that. It was… like puzzle pieces. We clicked and suddenly everything made sense.” Iruka had lost interest in his fingers and looked at Kakashi again who didn’t know what to do or where to look, so he just clutched his pillow tighter. “Do you believe in true mates?”

True mates. Or soulmates… of course, that came up in Icha Icha Paradise and Icha Icha Innocence. And in many other books of the genre. But it was a romantic fantasy. Kakashi did not believe that there was some special person out there for him to fall in love with. “No. Some people might be better compatible than others but the concept of true mates implies destiny. And I don’t believe in destiny.” When he said these words, he had to think of what Pakkun had told him. ‘You smell like him.’ Suddenly, it made sense. The dog’s nose had picked up on Iruka and Kakashi’s compatibility.

“Ah…” Iruka nodded slowly, then his eyes fixed on Kakashi’s again. “I want to be part of your life, Kakashi. We are going to have a child together and… of course, this is unexpected but I’m happy. But it makes me wonder if… if I can be more to you than the father of your child.”

So Iruka felt it too. This thing between them. And he tried to get closer, he wanted to get closer. Kakashi averted his eyes. “I can’t,” he whispered. “I’d fall in love and then you’ d die. I wouldn’t survive it.”

Another moment of silence settled between them. But it wasn’t uncomfortable. Kakashi felt safe in his nest and the alpha… he was not a threat. It would be much more comforting if Kakashi had cuddled up to him instead but… he couldn’t do that.

“If you don’t believe in destiny, why do you believe that you’re destined to lose everyone?” Iruka’s eyes were warm and soft, they weren’t judging. Maybe he understood… but Kakashi didn’t understand. This question didn’t make sense. He didn’t make sense. “I understand that you don’t want to be hurt again. But… I’m a chunin teacher who rarely leaves the village. If there is anyone relatively safe from dying in this village, it would be me.” He smiled. Iruka smiled. His smiles were so nice. “You are carrying my pup and it is my most important duty to look after you. Please, let me.”

There were a few things between omegas and alphas that were just set in stone. Rules that nature had given to their dynamics. Alphas looked after their pregnant… mate. Omega. Kakashi sighed and nodded. Maybe he wanted to be looked after. But… it wouldn’t work. His apartment was too small for two people. Of course, Iruka didn’t mention it but it was quite obvious that Kakashi, if he agreed, was expected to settle in Iruka’s flat for the rest of his pregnancy. It was much more spacious and… Kakashi didn’t like that he already knew the perfect corner to establish a nest. He liked Iruka’s flat. It was familiar. He might even like it better than his own. “We’d have to take the dog bowls.” And the pillows but that much was obvious.

“Of course. And the Icha Icha collection.” Iruka’s eyes fell on Kakashi’s headboard where he had all the Icha Icha books in a neat line. Next to his photographs. For a moment, the alpha’s eyes settled on the one of his father. “And those, I guess.” Kakashi nodded and sat up. He didn’t know what to do. Iruka stood up as well. Like this, he loomed tall over the omega. “I’m going to tidy up a bit. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” With that, he just left and Kakashi couldn’t remember when he had last felt as relieved.


	8. It's not about what you deserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi struggles with the decision whether or not he will let Iruka take part in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> Staying inside is a great way to keep away from snow and Corona. :D  
> And, you know, I can blame it on the term papers.  
> But I've also been busy writing other stuff... not so much this one. I had a new idea.  
> It's way out of my comfort zone and I'll see where it'll go and whether it has the potential to not die before it's finished...  
> I have so many beginnings of good KakaIru stories in my "Writing" folder and I don't know whether I will continue them (that's why they're not online).  
> I promise to be better with this one and not get distracted by the new idea. ^^  
> Anyway. Thank you for the many comments on the last chapter! It always motivates me to work on this story again (even though I should really focus on my term paper).  
> Have fun with the new chapter!

Kakashi was still nesting when Iruka came back. Maybe he had fallen asleep at some point… because he really had no idea how long Iruka had been gone. But he couldn’t muster the energy to get up. The alpha didn’t enter the bedroom again, he just shot a glance at Kakashi and then started rumbling in the kitchen. Making tea. It smelled of apples, sweet and fruity. Kakashi didn’t like sweet things but he liked tea. And it warmed him in different ways and places when the alpha gave him a cup full of the steaming beverage. He even sat up to receive it but leaned his back heavily against the wall.

“Are you okay?” Iruka eyed him with his worried expression and sat down on Kakashi’s bed again. Kakashi inhaled the scent of the tea because he didn’t know the answer to this question.

“I don’t know,” he eventually replied. “I guess I’m not.”

“Are you okay with… _this_?” Iruka made a vague gesture but Kakashi knew what he meant. The involvement of Iruka… moving to the alpha’s flat.

“I guess…” Kakashi didn’t have any clear answers right now because he didn’t know what he was thinking. Or feeling. Or desiring. Or… silence settled between them. It was like a thin blanket. Like snow on a field. This child would be born during the snowy season.

“May I…” Kakashi slid a bit to the side and gestured for Iruka to sit down in the next to him. It annoyed him that the alpha was wearing scent blockers. He missed the scent. It would make everything so much easier… but Iruka’s warmth was nice. And he wouldn’t mind Kakashi cuddling up a bit, would he? No. He pulled him closer. That was… good. Kakashi relaxed a little bit. A sigh escaped him. They just sat and drank tea. And shared warmth. In silence. The baby was quiet. Were they sleeping? Or just as carefully listening as Kakashi… it didn’t matter.

“Can you… stay tonight?” Kakashi didn’t want to leave just yet. He wasn’t ready. Iruka was… comfortable.

“Of course” And the brown eyes… they were always so warm. Kakashi didn’t deserve someone like Iruka. Who would love him despite everything. The things he had done. Kakashi wasn’t a good person. Iruka was an aggressive alpha but that wasn’t his choice. The alpha had a heart of gold. Kakashi didn’t dare taint it with his darkness. He slipped out of the hug.

“I can’t do this,” he admitted. “I’m not… you’re so… the things I’ve done.”

“The past doesn’t define us.” Iruka’s smile was too gentle. Too good. “It’s the decisions we make. They shape the future. We’re all ninjas. We’ve all done bad things. Some more than others. But we’re alive to make it better.”

Suddenly, Kakashi realised what it really meant to be a teacher. Iruka was not only good he was… wise. He was younger than Kakashi and so much wiser. How? Kakashi never thought about the future. He was too focussed on surviving another day. What was he doing? His hands found his swollen belly. This wasn’t surviving. This was the future. And he wasn’t thinking about it. How was he supposed to look after a newborn while on active duty? Why didn’t this thought occur to him earlier? Panic crept up his spine and raised the hairs on his neck. He had only been thinking about the past. How had his father managed to raise him and be a ninja? He couldn’t remember. Of course, he couldn’t. He had been a baby. But in his memory, his father had always been there for him. And Kakashi had always been waiting for him to come back from mission. Sakumo had been there and he had not been there at the same time? How? How???

He was standing in the middle of his bedroom but he only realised that he was standing when warm arms closed around him and pulled him against Iruka’s chest. The bump kept them apart but Kakashi lowered his head into Iruka’s neck to catch the remnants of the alpha’s scent that could not be drowned out by the scent blockers. It wasn’t much. Good thing he had such a sensitive nose. “It’s all going to be okay…” Iruka’s voice was just as warm and soft as his eyes. “Eventually. I want to help you.”

Kakashi wanted Iruka’s help. No, he needed it. Because he had fucked up. Tears filled his eyes and he shed them silently. Iruka’s shirt drank them up without complaint. Thinking about the future was hard. Much harder than just thinking about the now. But it was necessary. Kakashi couldn’t remain in the present. Or the past. Wherever his head was right now. He clawed into Iruka’s arms. It was probably painful… but he needed proximity. Time stopped. Or it moved and Kakashi just didn’t sense it. He wasn’t sure of anything right now. Iruka was. Iruka knew. Iruka would make it better.

Eventually, the alpha moved away. “I should make us something to eat.” His voice was quiet and weirdly breathy. “I’m not a good cook though.” And he left the room. Kakashi’s hand found the spot on his shoulder that started to get weirdly cold. Wet. Had Iruka… no way. Kakashi wiped his eyes. The smell of tears lingered. It wasn’t his own.

Iruka didn’t look up when he padded into the kitchen. “Have you been to the hospital yet?” Different topic. Good. This one was easier. It was about facts, not feelings.

“Mah… the baby’s healthy.”

“Good. So you’re eating well?” Kakashi shot a glance at Iruka’s fried vegetable project… not the order that he would put the vegetables in… and the flames of the cooker were a bit small…

“I manage. Balanced diet and all that. I know.”

“Good… very good…” Iruka’s voice was still weirdly breathy. And his eyes… the alpha averted them. “Is it a girl or a boy?”

Kakashi shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

“I guess it doesn’t…” Iruka turned back to the wok. “But have you thought about baby names yet?”

Kakashi had to admit that he had. As much as he told himself that the gender of his baby didn’t matter… he knew that it was going to be an omega boy. “If he’s a boy, I would like to call him Minato.”

“Minato. Like Naruto’s father. I like that.” Now, Iruka finally looked up and smiled at him. His eyes were slightly reddened. “And if it’s a girl?”

Kakashi shrugged. “Kikyo?” Secretly, he was a sucker for flowers. No one knew about it. Not even Tenzou.

“Bellflower,” Iruka repeated. “Eternal love and honesty. That’s very nice.” Okay, maybe Kakashi was a tiny bit in love with an alpha who knew his hanakotoba. But he probably had to… as an Academy teacher… last time he checked, Ikebana had been part of the curriculum. Silence settled between them and Kakashi really didn’t mind. Iruka was easy to talk to but… right now there were too many important things which they hadn’t settled and Kakashi didn’t want to think about any of them. He got up to get his father’s tanto. Whenever he started to get confused or insecure, the presence of the chakra blade helped. Going through the motions… the easy, controlled movements of kenjutsu… there wasn’t much space in his flat, so he just swung it left and right a bit and watched the white trail of chakra it left lingering in the air for a second. Iruka spiced the dish with too much pepper. His presence in the small space felt was still unfamiliar, strange… Kakashi wanted him to go away. He was supposed to be alone. No one was supposed to know about the baby… why did he even fail at that? With a frustrated sigh, he put the tanto down and instead started packing a few things. Like clothes, the tanto, his books… the photos. His flat looked bare without them. Well, it had looked bare before but now even more so. His eyes fell on the picture which decorated his wall. He had never liked it, he just kept it because Tenzou had bought it after complaining that the flat was so bare. Kakashi didn’t like having stuff. It was disorienting and only got in the way. Iruka had lots of stuff, it was everywhere and littered every surface of his flat. But it all seemed to have a purpose. It was there for a reason and, weirdly enough, if calmed Kakashi more than it confused him. Maybe going to Iruka’s flat was a good idea.

He trudged back into the kitchen and laid the table because Iruka was more or less done. The alpha served both of them a portion of his stir-fry. “Thanks,” Kakashi said politely.

“You’re welcome. I hope it’s okay. I’m not a very good cook.”

“It’s good enough.” Which was probably the best way to describe it. The spices were a bit off and the carrots too soft but it was easy to eat. A hundred times better than ration bars and food pills. The distance between them seemed to be bigger now and Kakashi was relieved. More silence. They ate, Kakashi cleared the table, washed the dishes. Iruka watched him. His scent was still hidden and maybe that was a good thing.

“Do you want me to leave?” Iruka’s question stopped Kakashi in his tracks. Did he? A part of him wanted it. A part of him was lonely and happy about any contact. A part of him wanted to cuddle up to the alpha and feel safe and warm. Two thirds of him wanted Iruka to stay. That made things easy to decide.

“No.”

“Okay” The alpha seemed relieved by his answer but still conflicted. “Do you… do you want to talk about things?”

“No.” That one was even easier to answer. But he had to give Iruka something because he couldn’t stand the picture of misery that was the alpha any longer. “I want to smell you.”

Kakashi was thinking with his head too much. That was probably the problem. None of the decision he had made so far had involved his conscience very much. And right he was all head and no heart.

“Oh… yes, of course.” The alpha removed the scent-blocking tape from his scent glands and washed his hands and neck. His bloodlike scent flooded the air. Before he knew what was happening, Kakashi took a deep breath to inhale it. The tingle in his belly that he had been missing until this point reappeared instantly. His senses sharpened, adrenalin levels rose a bit. Iruka’s scent awakened his battle instincts even though there were next to no pheromones in it. Iruka still kept his scent under immaculate control.

“You smell like death.” Iruka sighed and nodded slowly. Right… Iruka didn’t like it. He was so self-conscious about it. “I’m not afraid of death. I like it.”

The alpha lifted his head and actually looked at Kakashi with his deep, warm eyes. “You smell like Konoha’s woods in summer. When the lotus blooms.” It had been said before. Kakashi smelled like lotus flowers. “Have you noticed what happens when our scents combine?”

Kakashi nodded. Of course, he didn’t sense his owe scent that much but he remembered what had happened during their heat and rut together. The baby wasn’t intent on kicking him right now but it made sure that Kakashi was aware of them. His hands found his belly automatically. “Rebirth.” The destruction that came with Iruka’s scent was neutralised by Kakashi’s sweetness and together they made something new. They had made something new quite literally.

“I haven’t felt this much at ease in a long time,” Iruka admitted. Kakashi was on the exact other side of the spectrum. He couldn’t remember when he had felt last as conflicted. Because one part of him wanted to jump into Iruka’s lap and let himself be fussed over. And another part kept him five steps away from the alpha. The latter was obviously the stronger one. Right now, at least. Fortunately, the alpha made no attempt to get to him. “You know that I want this, right? The pup… it’s like a dream come true. But I want it with you. My friends asked me how I imagined the perfect mate and I always told him that there would never be anyone for me. But then I smelled you. You are everything I could wish for, in a partner. A mate. Of course, I won’t force you to do anything… I smell that you’re uncomfortable in my presence and I completely understand. I just wanted you to know.”

Iruka was sad. Kakashi couldn’t smell it but he could see it in the other man’s face. His eyes. It poked Kakashi and hurt in a place he couldn’t put his finger on… “I am not afraid of you,” he tried to comfort the alpha. “I just can’t make sense of what is going on inside my head.”

Iruka nodded slowly. “Do you… would you still let me look after you?”

Yes. By now, he had made up his mind. He wasn’t sure what he himself wanted but he knew that an alpha wanted to look after their unborn pup. As unsure as he was about what he wanted, he knew that he wanted Iruka to be at ease. Or at least more at ease than he was right now. And he wanted the best for his baby. Which might not be Kakashi trying to look after them all on his own. Iruka was much better with kids. So he just nodded and this time he didn’t just see the relief, he also smelled it.

“I sense that you need time to yourself. Maybe I should leave.” Iruka got up. Kakashi followed him to the door. Secretly, he was relieved about the alpha’s decision even though it was him who had asked Iruka to stay. “You can always come to me. Whenever you feel ready.”

Kakashi’s hands buried themselves even deeper in his pockets. “You’re too kind. I don’t deserve this.” Even though he didn’t look at the alpha, he saw Iruka stop in his tracks and turn back to him from the corner of his eye. A moment of silence followed and he still couldn’t look up.

“It’s not about that,” Iruka said quietly, “It’s what I want to do. But… you know what would help me sleep better at night.”

Kakashi just nodded. Of course, it would calm the alpha’s protectiveness to know that the omega carrying his child was close. It didn’t matter that Kakashi was more than capable of looking after himself. Instincts were not exactly rational. “I’ll be there. Tomorrow.”

Iruka didn’t force him to look up. He didn’t touch Kakashi. He didn’t even say goodbye. He just sighed and closed the door behind him. Kakashi ran through the hand signs and summoned his ninken. Right now, he needed some comfort and something to do with his hands that didn’t involve his brain.

The eight dogs appeared in eight differently sized puffs of smoke as they always did. And when he sat down in his nest, they made themselves comfortable around him. “Did you finally talk to your alpha?” Pakkun eyed him suspiciously before he took his spot in Kakashi’s lap.

Kakashi automatically started massaging the point just under his ears. He knew that the dogs could smell Iruka’s scent. It still lingered and made him feel even more conflicted. Because he liked the scent in a weird morbid way. Reminded him of his ANBU days when he had been killing people without thinking twice. Back then, he had felt alive, powerful, confident and he projected these emotions into Iruka’s scent. A smell like death shouldn’t do that to him. “You don’t smell like him very much,” the pug commented. “So I guess you just talked.”

“Maybe he’ll finally get his head out of his ass and do the right thing.” Akino tsked.

“You know, we don’t mind being summoned to Iruka’s flat. It’s a nice spot.” Bisuke demanded Kakashi’s other hand. Petting his dogs always calmed Kakashi and he didn’t mind their talking. He was comfortable in his nest and he had like-minded creatures around him… it had always helped to calm him down. Cuddling dogs was always easier than cuddling with humans. Except Tenzou, maybe.

“Iruka-sensei is nice. I’m sure he’d give us treats,” Guruko huffed.

“And belly rubs,” Shiba added, “I’m sure he gives amazing belly rubs.”

“Because that’s the only thing you care about,” Uhei shook his head. “You’re way too cuddly for a ninja dog.”

“No, I get it” Urushi pushed his nose under Kakashi’s arm. “Iruka-sensei has these big, warm hands. They’re perfect for belly rubs.”

“Maybe he doesn’t like dogs,” Kakashi felt the need to say.

“Heh… I remember the first time you summoned me into his hand.” Pakkun grinned. “He was so perplexed like you couldn’t believe.”

“I once came across him when I was delivering a message to the Hokage,” Bisuke added. “He stopped to inquire what I was doing. But it was only an excuse for him to stroke me.”

“He’s got these nice, warm eyes,” Guruko added. “I think he loves all creatures.” All his dogs nodded and Kakashi wanted to join them. Iruka’s eyes were magnificent. But it also startled him that someone could look at him like this.

“If you don’t go to him tomorrow, we will find a way to drag you there,” Shiba threatened and Kakashi knew that the cuddliest of his pack meant it. Even though they only appeared when he summoned them, they were very creative in finding ways to make him do what they wanted. Fortunately, they rarely had a reason to go to such lengths. Kakashi preferred his ninken happy and well cared for.

“I get it,” he sighed. “I’m going to go. Tomorrow.”

With that, the dogs seemed to be satisfied and Kakashi petted them until he fell asleep in their midst.


	9. With strings attached

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi moves over to Iruka's flat and they have to figure out what they want to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> I'm sorry, this chapter is very late. But I finished my two term papers and now there is this stupid portfolio... and I can't master the motivation to do it. Instead I watched "Haikyu!!". Twice. (The German dub is really good.) And I might be working on a little IwaKawa oneshot but... I'm very unproductive right now. And I'm really not feeling this story, sorry.  
> The feeling will come back after I've done the stupid portfolio, I'm sure. But for now I can only offer you this because it's the last one I have in store. Chapter 10 is not finished yet.  
> I will continue the story but it might take me a while to find my way back. :)  
> Please be patient.
> 
> Enjoy this one!

When Kakashi woke up, the dogs had piled around him. Pakkun snored, so did Bull. It was warm, comfortable and Kakashi’s bladder was killing him. So he got up. His body was stiff and achy from falling asleep in such a weird position but at least he had slept well. The baby seemed to still be asleep… and Kakashi was hungry. He made himself some eggs and prepared food for his ninken. As soon as they heard him clatter around in the kitchen, they snook out of his room one after another. Yes, hungry eyes. He sighed and served them before he finally got to eat his own food. “Thank you for staying the night.”

“No worries, boss.” Pakkun had inhaled his share already. “We’ll stay around until we can be sure that you made your way over to Iruka-sensei. If you don’t, I’ll bite your ass.”

“Please don’t.” Kakashi had a mark on his backside that looked suspiciously like pug teeth. It had not been nice.. especially after it got infected.

“Then you better do as we say.”

“Ey, I’m still your alpha. I don’t have to do anything you say.” It was technically true. Kakashi might have been a human omega but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t be his ninken pack’s alpha.

“Yes, and we would hate to stage a mutiny,” Shiba chewed.

“But we will if we have to,” Bisuke added and Kakashi knew they meant it. Sometimes, it was better to just do what his dogs said. Respect your elders, they always said. And Kakashi was probably a thousand years too young to disrespect Pakkun.

“Hai hai…” He sighed and finished his food. “Do what you have to. I’m going to take a walk.” Iruka would still be asleep right now and then he would be at the Academy. He would go there in the afternoon. Right now, he needed to see Guy.

His best friend looked very sleepy when he opened the door. Apparently, six in the morning was early. “What a surprise to see you, eternal rival!” His voice was unusually hushed. “Come in, I’m going to make some tea.”

Kakashi entered and made his way over to the sofa immediately, like he did every time. Jounin life was unstable and unpredictable. So if they had routines they could stick to, they did. It didn’t take long until Guy came in with the lemon balm tea. Just what Kakashi craved. “Sorry for waking you up.”

“Don’t worry. I haven’t seen you for months. I’m glad you’ve given up hiding.” His friend’s eyes found the swell the shirt couldn’t hide completely. “I suppose it’s going well.”

“Mah… the baby’s healthy and I can’t complain… it’s exhausting but that’s inevitable.”

“Did you manage to tell the father?”

It hadn’t been exactly difficult to get hold of Iruka… Kakashi nodded. And there was no reason to not tell his friend about him now. “It’s Iruka-sensei.”

“Iruka-sensei?” Guy’s face always reflected his emotions and the surprise was more than obvious. “I never thought…”

“He’s an alpha. He just keeps his scent hidden.” Kakashi sighed because the baby had woken up and did its morning routine. At least it seemed to be fit. But did it really have to be his bladder? “I’m sorry. Toilet.”

When he came back, a sleepy Anko was just about to leave the bedroom. By now, it was quite obvious why Guy had still been asleep at six a.m. The bruises and traces on her body told a story of their last night’s activities. “Babe, why is there the scent of a pregnant unmated omega… holy shit Kakashi!” The alpha woman seemed to be fully awake all of a sudden.

“I thought you were on mission. How did that happen?”

“I obviously wasn’t on mission.” Kakashi rolled his eyes. “I don’t suppose you can keep your mouth shut about it?”

“Oh my big G, who’s the father?!?”

“Yeah, I’m not going to tell you that.”

“Oh, come on! If you tell me, I promise not to tell anyone!”

“You never keep your promises, Anko.”

“I do. I will keep this one, at least. I promise. Please tell me! Otherwise I will tell _everyone_.”

He sighed. This was exactly why he didn’t like Anko. He really didn’t understand what Guy saw in her. “I don’t want everyone talking about it.”

“I won’t tell. Cross my heart!”

“Iruka-sensei.”

Anko sat down on the sofa instantly. Kakashi had never seen her sit down because of new information. “Iruka-sensei,” she repeated. “For real? You and him? That’s delicious.” And the Anko grin was back. “I can’t wait to see Gen…”

“You’re not going to tell Genma. Or anyone else. You promised.”

“Right. I guess you’ll find me and you’ll kill me if I do.”

“Exactly.” Kakashi send her an eye-smile and sat down on Guy’s other side to finish his tea. “It’s difficult enough as it is.”

“Sure. I want ALL the details. How did it happen? Why aren’t you two mated?”

“Anko… I don’t think Kakashi wants to tell you.” Guy pulled his mate into a deep kiss to shut her up. That seemed to be the only way to effectively shut her up, Kakashi noticed. He refilled his teacup.

“That’s why I came. I’m going to spend the rest of my pregnancy at Iruka’s, I guess. If you ever wanted to stop by. He’s got a nice collection of teas.”

“I’m friends with Iruka. I’m definitely going to drop by.” Anko grinned and leaned forward. “Can I touch it?”

“No.” Kakashi would not allow this woman’s fingers on his skin for anything other than prevent him from dying. The only one allowed to touch his belly was Tenzou. And probably Iruka. Guy, maybe. But no one else. “Sorry for waking you up. I better leave.”

“You know you don’t have to, Kakashi.” Guy patted his shoulder. “We like having you here.”

“I know.” He got up and put on his shoes again. “But baby thinks now it the perfect time for a workout.”

“I’m never having babies,” Anko proclaimed unhelpfully. Guy only smiled.

“It was good to see you, Kakashi. You look well.” And Kakashi left to exert himself.

Moving his body helped Kakashi to establish some order in his thoughts. He would go over to Iruka and he would stay there, he would live there… and he liked the idea of building a nest in Iruka’s living room. Maybe he would just crash there… Iruka didn’t have a second bedroom. His flat was closer to the Academy and farther away from Kakashi’s preferred training areas but there was an old one behind the Academy that people usually didn’t use… Kakashi hadn’t been there for a long time. Maybe that could be a good alternative. He still didn’t want people to know. Unmated, pregnant omegas were frowned upon and even though Kakashi did not care in the slightest what people thought about him… he didn’t feel like parading his bump and pregnancy. So he applied a henge before he made his way back to his flat. It just felt right.

It wasn’t exactly much to pack. Most of it was done already anyway. So he just made a bag with all the dog bowls, took his box of clothes and books and Ukki-san… Ukki-san would like Iruka’s sunny living room window much better anyway. As soon as he had it all stacked, he made his way over to Iruka’s. On top of the roofs because it was convenient. He did feel the chakra drain though, and he felt it in his ankles. Pregnancy really was a bother. But the baby kicked him in the right kidney as if to remind him of the benefits… yeah, that wasn’t very convincing. So he just huffed, rubbed to hopefully make the little one calm down and climbed in though Iruka’s window. The belly really got in the way of everything.

Iruka was home already and abandoned the stove to take Kakashi’s stuff. “Okaeri” The warmth of his voice and the ease with which he said the familiar phrase made Kakashi hesitate and for a second he nearly lost his grip. But he caught himself and he climbed in. The last person who had said ‘okaeri’ to him had been his father.

“Uhm… tadaima?” He wasn’t sure if he meant it but… some things just belonged together. And… it kind of felt like… coming back to a good place. Kakashi hadn’t had a ‘home’ since his father had died. He didn’t know what coming home felt like anymore. But this, at least, was pleasant. His eyes darted to the corner to his right… where Iruka had put a pile of blankets and pillows already. Kakashi closed his mouth when he realised that it had fallen open. “How did you know?”

Iruka was back at the stove giving him space. But he sent him a short look. “Oh, an omega friend pointed it out. I thought you might like to nest. You’re welcome to move everything to a different spot, though.” Kakashi was definitely not moving. Instead, he kicked off his shoes and went to work immediately. The pillows and blankets smelled fresh and flowery. Iruka’s laundry detergent. He’d washed everything so that none of his scent would stick to it. Very considerate even though part of Kakashi wished he hadn’t. After adding his own pillows and blankets to the mix, it felt right and he claimed his new safety space. This was much better than the nest he’d had before.

Iruka had tidied up, and cleaned, and aired the flat. There was next to nothing of his scent left. Kakashi would have to bury his nose in Iruka’s couch to get some of it and he certainly wasn’t going do that. “This is your flat,” he commented, “You don’t have to hide your scent.”

“I thought you might find it unsettling.” Kakashi had to accept for himself that he liked Iruka’s scent more than was good for him before he could tell the alpha about it. “And this isn’t only my flat anymore. You changed the wards.”

Yes, Kakashi had changed the wards to make it easier for him but that didn’t mean… yes it did. He’d spread his chakra all over Iruka’s net of wards. He had claimed this space as his territory. “I didn’t realise…”

“You don’t have to apologize. I don’t mind. I was just confused that you avoided me after laying claim on… this place. I’m glad you’re back.” It didn’t help Kakashi to feel less embarrassed about how badly he had his instincts under control. “Do you want to stay in your nest for lunch? I made miso soup and aubergine. I was told you’d like that.”

So Kakashi left his nest. Iruka was so kind and… everything his inner omega needed. Except keeping his scent hidden. How could the violent, overpowering alpha force and this gentle, soft smile belong to the same person? It confused him more than anything. Because the man serving him his favourite food was like a best friend. While the alpha, who had ruined him for anyone else, was the most attractive person with the most arousing scent he had ever come across. Was… Kakashi… falling in love? He wasn’t sure. But he felt his heart beating and he felt the warmth in his stomach… it was caused by the soup Iruka had made for him. And there was no scent, nothing that reminded him of anything alpha… the man opposite him could have been an omega, or a beta… there was none of the alpha-omega attraction he had experienced in his heat. So all it did was confuse him. And Iruka just ate and looked up from time to time, smiled and focussed on his soup again. Kakashi was back in his nest as soon as they had finished.

“Are you okay?” Of course, Iruka sounded worried. “You know, you can always leave if this… if you don’t like it here.”

“I’m fine,” Kakashi assured the alpha and he meant it, mostly. He was fine. “I’m just settling in. And I’m tired.” He really wasn’t in the mood for talking.

“Tell me if you need anything. I’ll be over there, grading.” He pointed at his desk in the corner. Kakashi nodded and the alpha cleaned up.

He must have fallen asleep because when he woke up, he was wrapped in a blanket Kakashi didn’t remember wrapping himself in. The lights were off, Iruka was asleep in the bedroom. The moon shone through the window and the baby danced inside him. At least that’s what it felt like. He rubbed the swell and got up to get a snack. Iruka’s fridge was stacked with all kinds of nice things. Cold rice, eggs and milk. And some of the pickles. Perfect. But he was awake now and probably not able to fall asleep again, so he decided to take a walk. Over the rooftops. He ended up on Minato-sensei’s head where he sat down to look at the moon. Konoha was quiet at this time of night. Peaceful. The cool air filled his lungs and refreshed him. This was a good moment. And maybe this thing with Iruka was a good thing. Kakashi meditated on the stone head until the sky turned pink on the horizon. Then, he made his way back to Iruka’s flat. If the alpha had made dinner for them, he could pay him back by making breakfast.

The Iruka emerging from the bedroom was an absolutely lovely sight. He had his hair down and his eyes were still caked with sleep. For a second, he just stared at Kakashi wonderingly.

“Eggs and bacon for breakfast?”

“Eggs and bacon for breakfast,” Kakashi confirmed. “Baby wants eggs and bacon. Blame it on them.”

“No… I think I have to thank them for it.” There was a kind of hunger in Iruka’s eyes and it had nothing to do with the breakfast being made. “Did you sleep well?”

“For a few hours,” Kakashi shrugged. “You?”

“I did. It soothes me greatly to know the omega carrying my pup close, safe and happy.” He laid the table and Kakashi served them. “Anything I can do for you?”

“Eat, and teach the new generation of students how to be better ninja. That’s the best you can do for all of us.”

“Of course.” Somehow, Iruka seemed to droop but Kakashi didn’t want to dwell on it.

“I’ll be out training. Don’t expect me to be here when you come back.”

Iruka nodded and finished. “That was delicious. Thank you. You’re a very good cook.” The compliment was music to Kakashi’s ears. He hoped, the alpha didn’t see his shudder. The only thing he ever seemed to get praise for was his ability to kill people. And omegas liked to be praised. Of course Iruka would know that.

“It’s nothing.” Kakashi cleaned up while the alpha collected his stuff for school. He had never realised that being a teacher involved so much… stuff. Papers, mostly.

“See you in the afternoon.” Kakashi gave his two finger salute but didn’t say anything. He released a breath as soon as Iruka closed the door.

When Iruka came back, Kakashi was napping in his nest. The training session had not been as successful as he wanted because he’d felt exhausted after only an hour. So he’d come back to nap. The nest was fantastic.

Iruka took off his shoes and seemed relieved to be home because he instantly released his scent. Finally. Kakashi inhaled and woke up fully. Alpha. There it was. The scent which made him tingle all over. “Okaeri”

“Oh” Only now, Iruka seemed to realise that Kakashi was there. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to… I was about to apply new scent blockers…”

“Please, don’t,” Kakashi interrupted. “It doesn’t unsettle me.” It did but not in the way Iruka thought.

“Okay” Was that… nervousness in his scent? Was this big alpha embarrassed? Why? “I… uhm… got you something… thought you might like it.”

He pulled out a yukata. A maternity yukata. It was grey and blue with a pattern of doves. Something that Kakashi probably need soon. He would’ve never bought something like this himself but… Iruka was right, he liked the design. There was only one thing that made him hesitate. The alpha had bought something for him, an omega. “Is this some kind of courting?”

Iruka blushed. How could an alpha as powerful as Iruka blush that heavily? “Uhm.. yes? If you want it to be. If not… I can stop and… I can bring it back to the store. I’m sure…”

“I’ll take it.” Kakashi liked the yukata. It looked soft and warm and comfortable. Kakashi hadn’t had clothes which were not shinobi blues for a long time. A flush of happy pheromones filled the flat. Iruka was so much more relatable with his scent out in the open. It actually calmed Kakashi and made him feel fond of the other. The alpha came over with the yukata held proudly in front of him like a puppy who had mastered fetch for the first time. This was a powerful alpha, not a puppy! But something melted inside of Kakashi seeing these puppy dog eyes. He took the yukata from Iruka and placed it in his nest. “Thank you.” The smile on the tan face was just too nice and before Kakashi knew what he was doing, he had pulled the face towards him and was kissing these lips.

Iruka lowered himself to his knees to better reach Kakashi and pulled him closer. His scent changed from ‘happy’ to ‘aroused’ and it should’ve activated all kinds of warning bells in Kakashi’s head. But it didn’t. Maybe because the blood to power them was already flowing downwards. He helplessly moaned when Iruka pulled him closer. Pregnancy hormones swirled in his blood and made everything so much more intense. It was so good, too good to be true. And then, Iruka pulled away.

He looked just as flushed as Kakashi but there was something else in his eyes. Worry? “Kakashi, you know you’re irresistible.”

It annoyed Kakashi that Iruka had stopped. “Well, you’re resisting me quite well right now.”

“Because I don’t want to do something we both regret later.” He sighed. “What are we, Kakashi? What do you want me to be?”

The first question was easy to answer but the second… “I don’t know.”

Iruka nodded, as if he’d known. “You should figure that out. Until then… please don’t tempt me.” This was the right thing to do, Kakashi knew it. Iruka’s scent did all kinds of things to him and he might not like where it would lead them. Although, he had not regretted anything he’d done with the alpha so far. He did not regret getting pregnant either. But they had strings attached now, because of the fact they were going to be parents. This wasn’t a little fling anymore. This was something serious and Kakashi was the one to decide how much of himself he wanted to give to Iruka. Because he knew fairly well what the alpha wanted.

“I’ll try. I’m sorry.” Iruka disappeared into the bathroom. When he came out, he had new scent blocker applied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why but I really enjoy writing Anko as a side character. She's so much fun.
> 
> And I'm sorry for including Japanese phrases without translation but I guess you're all familiar with "Tadaima!" (I'm back!) and "Oakeri!" (Welcome home!) which people in Anime (and real life, I guess, I haven't been to Japan) exchange when they come home. German and English neither have this tradition nor the phrases, so I chose to not translate it and keep it as it is used in Japanese.  
> It still hurts my heart to think about Kakashi as a child... he lived alone in the Hatake Estate and every day he said "Tadaima!" to the empty rooms...I just HAD to include Iruka welcoming him home. Because, you know, wholesome.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope, you like this first chapter.  
> Please tell me about it in the comments.  
> What do you think is going to happen?  
> You know, I reply to every comment. And I promise not to spoil but I might drop hints. ^^
> 
> Typos and missing words are a running theme with me.  
> I apologise beforehand. Please tell me about them, if you find any. Otherwise, please just ignore. <3


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